16 Year old Virgin

[16andconfuzed.]

I’m a 16 year old virgin and I feel like I don’t really have anyone to ask these questions to. The most I have done is oral sex on another person, when I masturbate I only rub my clit because it doesn’t feel good when I penetrate myself with anything or my fingers. I always thought it was bc the object I used was to hard or my fingers are too short but idk it makes me scared to have sex because what if it doesn’t feel good? Should it feel good is there something wrong? I feel like no one finds me attractive anyone I talk to or try and start talking to dose like me back and doesn’t want anything to do with me. As a 16 year old girl that really hurts my self esteem.

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards.

There is no "should" in what feels good to people when it comes to sex and sexuality, only a loooooooot of diversity. Some people like activities or ways of doing them that other people don't, or only like when done in different ways, or with particular partners or contexts.

Intercourse also isn't the only kind of sex, it's just one kind of many. So if and when people either don't like or aren't interested in intercourse, or don't have the body parts between them to engage in PIV intercourse, that doesn't mean those folks can't or don't have sex, only that they don't have that kind. Get what I mean?

Too, you'll probably find throughout life that what you like and what feels good doesn't stay the same the whole time. Our bodies offer us a lot to explore, and the same goes for different partners, different times of life, and different scenarios. At 16, new to yourself as a sexual partner and without any experience with anyone else yet, I'd not count yourself out of anything so early.

I'm sorry that you're feeling unacknowledged and socially isolated, and that that's causing your self-worth to take a hit. Ideally, our value of ourselves should come most *from* ourselves, but for sure, it can be hard to feel that if and when we feel like other people don't even notice we exist! Can you fill me in a little bit on what your social interactions are like? Do they only happen at school, or do you have something like a volunteer or paying job, family, neighbors?

[16andconfuzed.]

I just moved from my hometown a year ago. I don’t know many people and am struggling to get a job. only family I have out here is my dad and step mom. I’m not close and haven’t even talked to my neighbors before Talking to guys is always at school and then they are not interested in me like I thought. I’m Bi but scared to ask if certain girls are into other girls and I dont really know or even have a type.

[Heather]

Being new somewhere can be really hard, especially when school and home are the only places you can interact with people. I'm sorry that you're feeling so isolated and alone.

My best advice is to try and start by making friends, rather than to try and start with any kind of romantic or sexual overtures. Does your school have any clubs or group activities? Things like a band, choir or organized sports, clubs for activities (like chess, for example)? Something like that -- finding activities you already have an affinity for or interest in, then meeting people through that shared interest -- would be my suggestion for a best place to start getting to know people at school.