pleasing my girlfriend when I have chronic pain

[cr4shjay]

Hi, long time reader first time poster. I have fibromyalgia. It has ups and downs. Lately it's been mostly downs.

I want to be able to do more for my girlfriend and take on a more "dominant" (but not really) role in the bedroom, but I can't even give her a handjob because the motion makes my wrists ache for literal days. I'm having a lot of trouble.

Does anybody have any resources or links to being more active in sex with chronic limb pain? Everything I see puts the disabled person in a more submissive/passive role, or focuses on pelvic pain, and that's not the issue. I want to top her, but my legs don't have the stamina to hold me up, my arms are too pained to use them for more than a few minutes at a time, and I have some sort of sensory thing going on where I can't perform any oral on her.

Sorry if this is too explicit or specific or whatever. I'm just at a loss and have been feeling horrible and unconfident. We're 20, if that matters; I'm nonbinary and have a vagina. She's gender fluid and has a penis. I feel like it really shouldn't be this difficult.

Thank you:)

[Sam W]

Hi cr4shjay,

In terms of navigating the pain in your hands, I wonder if the advice here would be helpful at all: https://www.autostraddle.com/how-to-fin ... onic-pain/. It's technically written about inserting fingers into the vaginal canal, but a lot of the advice can apply regardless of what genitals are involved. The second half of this article may also be helpful in terms of navigating all this: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... rs_in_pain

Too, have you and your girlfriend talked a lot, or at all, about what you being more dominant during sex could look like? I ask because it's likely there are ways for you two to create the dynamic you're looking for that don't automatically involve motions or positions that are painful for you.