First time

[mrinfe]

Im 16 y/o male and i think im going to experience my first time anytime soon with a very important person to me, its my first time but not hers. She has a good experience in sex and i really think i'm not gonna satisfy her, i can already feel i will cum in instances, i really dont want to embarass myself like that and i'd do anything to prevent it, any suggestions?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, and I for sure have some suggestions!

First up, for anyone -- no matter what their previous or current experience -- sex of any kind with a brand new parter to them is rarely going to be the best sexual experience for anyone involved. That's because it usually takes time for people to learn what each person likes, and what, uniquely, feels good together -- how things feel or are with one partner is rarely the same with another.

The great news about that for you, person new to this whole thing, is that you are already coming to this knowing you don't know any of these answers yet, a thing that tends to make for a much better partner than someone who comes to a new partner already thinking they somehow know what to do. So, for everyone to have the best time possible, just try and come to it like something you are excited to just get started learning: that's true both of sex but also of your partner, their body, their sexuality, and who you two are sexually together.

Second: when someone ejaculates usually has ZERO bearing on if someone has a good time, for a whole bunch of reasons. You probably think that means she can't because you probably think the longer you maintain your erection, the more likely it is she is satisfied. If so, know that's not likely true. In reality, almost no one is sexually satisfied just by genital intercourse all by itself, no matter how long it goes on for, and that's often especially true for a receptive partner. Instead, sexual satisfaction comes from things like communication, exploration of the whole body, creativity, care, responsiveness and a sense of play: these are all things pretty much everyone can bring to the table.

If mutual satisfaction is what you really have in mind, what's going to get you there is more likely communication than anything else: before, during and after anything sexual. Talk together about what you each want to explore and think you like! Talk about what you each already feel like you know you don't want or like. Talk about what you're each worried about. Talk about the kind of sexual relationship you want. And then, when you are sexual -- whatever the activity -- check in with each other about how it's feeling, make adjustments or experimentation as needed, stop when wanted. Afterwards, talk some more! Seriously, for most people we know all of this kind of stuff has a lot more to do with feeling satisfied, and with leading to sex everyone really loves, than if an erection is even involved at all.

Lastly, please know that the idea that it's shameful to ejaculate before you might want to is only going to hold you back from a sexual life and self you feel good about. Throw that away. (Would you think your partner should be embarassed if she reached orgasm early on? Nah.) It couldn't be less of a big deal, and being able to go on for a thousand years is generally something only important to people with penises: it's not usually something people with vaginas care about, since it's not like a forever-erection really offers them anything spectacular. Get what I mean?