I feel gross after having sex with boyfriend

[SunnyNights]

I (mtf) had penetrative sex with my boyfriend (ftm). It has been a while since we did it, but i feel gross thinking about it and thinking of doing it again. I feel terrible about this because he enjoyed it so much. This has hurt my attraction towards him and I feel like a liar now, because my feelings are vanishing after having sex. I am supposed to meet his parents later today, but I feel awful because of these feelings

[Ro S]

Hey there SunnyNights and welcome to the boards!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling disconnected from your partner and that it's impacting how you're interacting in your relationship.

I definitely understand that this has you thinking about implications to attraction/ feelings towards your boyfriend in general. Could you tell me a bit more about your relationship - do you feel like you share physical intimacy beyond intercourse? Do you feel like you can communicate what feels good sexually with your boyfriend? How would you describe your relationship in general?

[SunnyNights]

Of course! Me and my partner like to lay together, and relax or watch something. We talk with one another, and go places together. Sexually, I only have really liked mutual masturbation, with or without toys. My relationship overall is very nice, I do struggle sometimes, because my social battery runs out quickly, but once we are together for the day I feel a little better.

[KierC]

Hey there SunnyNights,

Thank you for providing those details, this is all really helpful to know. It sounds like sex with genital insertion is something that doesn’t feel good thinking about, and that mutual masturbation is more pleasurable for you. You know, if any kind of sexual activity makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, you do not have to do it. I also think any respectful and loving partner would not want their partner to have any sort of sex they don’t want to have, you know? It sounds like you and your partner enjoy your time together and makes you feel better at times — do you feel like you’d be able to talk to him about how genital insertion makes you feel, or what kind of sexual activities you’d prefer to do? Are there any feelings or worries that pop up for you when thinking about that?

Also, did you end up meeting his parents yesterday? How was it?