Too scared to put a finger in?

[ramune]

okay, so i'm 14 and a virgin. i touch my clitoris sometimes, but even after i do that, i can't get myself to put anything in?
well, i can, that's a lie. i can put my middle finger inside my vagina, but it doesn't feel good. it doesn't hurt, just feels weird. no pain but no pleasure. also, when i try to go deeper, i feel this weird fleshy(? the one right after the initial layer or wall or whatever you feel when you first put a finger in) layer or wall or something and it scares me and i get nervous about pushing into it so i don't. i don't know what to do because i want to be able to finger myself but i get scared and don't feel any pleasure when i do. what is the fleshy-feeling part of the vagina and how can i get myself to actually completely put a finger in?
i tried moving my finger around in the fleshy layer and it didn't feel good but it felt a little better like it was supposed to feel good or maybe would eventually idk
also, i always lay on my back tilted upwards on my pillow.
*note: the fleshy layer also feels spongy and like a barrier or something? i didn't try pushing on it but it seemed like i couldn't go any further. also ive already had my period this month

[HannahP]

Hi Ramune! Welcome to our boards!

My guess is that what you're feeling is just the inner walls of your vagina. When you look at a diagram of a vagina, it looks like a tube or a tunnel, with empty space inside, but really in your body, the vagina is relaxed and the walls are touching. Depending on the angle that you put your fingers in, you might be touching different parts of these walls. If it feels hard and spongy, it could be that you're touching the front wall of your vagina, where the g spot is.

That being said, the main thing that stands out to me about what you wrote is that touching yourself this way doesn't feel very nice and you're not enjoying it. Can you tell me more about why you want to be able to finger yourself? One thing we strongly believe here is that sex and masturbation is supposed to feel good and there's no need to push yourself to do something if your body isn't enjoying it. A lot of people who have vulvas only ever masturbate by touching externally and don't put anything inside at all.

We have a great article about this idea called Ask not what your body can do for you, but what you can do for your body! I'm happy to talk more with you about why you're scared and what you could do to ease those feelings, I just want you to know first that you never have to do anything that feels scary or even just not that fun when masturbating.