Dysphoria associated with male sex drive as a pre-hrt trans girl.

[SparkleQueen26]

Hello there again,
So it has been a long time since I have posted in the Scarleteen and after several months I have returned to talk about something else I’m having a hard time with. I am a trans girl who is Pre-HRT and something that makes me very dysphoric is having a high sex drive/male sex drive. As I have mentioned before pleasuring myself with natal parts also makes me feel dysphoric so I’m looking more for ways to cope with this vs. ways to make me feel better about the parts.


Thank You,
Nat
(She/Her/Hers)

[KierC]

Hi Nat, and welcome back to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with dysphoria surrounding libido and masturbation. I have a couple clarifying questions to assist us, if that’s okay with you.

I’m hearing you associate a high sex drive with a male sex drive. Is there a reason you’re making that association/is that association helpful or meaningful to you? I ask because I’m wondering if it’s an association that is personal to you, or if it comes from more of a cultural/societal lens that high sex drive = male sex drive. It might help to know that there’s no right or wrong amount to feel sexual desire or arousal, and there is no right or wrong amount of sexual desire for anyone to experience based on their identity. People of all identities and people with all kinds of genitals can experience heightened levels of arousal, and it isn’t a problem unless it feels distressing for you. I also wonder if framing a high sex drive as a male sex drive could possibly contribute to feelings of dysphoria upon arousal. Do you have any reactions to that?

I hear you, too, that you’re experiencing dysphoria while masturbating. Are there particular elements of masturbation that trigger dysphoria more for you? For example, does it feel dysphoric to look at your genitals, or touch them (where, if that were the case, it might help to masturbate in ways where you don’t have to look at/touch your genitals?), or do you find yourself thinking a certain way about them while masturbating? We can certainly talk through some ways to feel a little better about this, just wanting to see if there’s a specific part of masturbation that triggers the dysphoria.

[Jacob]

Just to add (and Kier touched on this), that having a high sex drive is not male. There has been a looooong history of suppressing female sexuality, at times because it was deemed "too much" leaving us with the 100 years old idea that sexuality should be un-feminine, but that doesn't make it so, as actuality many many women have always been healthily horny as hell (in many different ways). You get to claim your sexual desire as feminine, just as much as anyone else!

I'd practice thinking about it this way: it's not things like the shape of your sex drive that make you a girl, it's being a girl that makes your sex drive a girl-thing. Do you think it could help at all to flip the logic that way?

Ooh and also you might want to check this out: Let's Talk About Girldick