I have never orgasmed because the feeling goes away in the middle of masturbation

[VangoghjoSatoru]

Hello! I, 18 year old transmasc, have never orgasmed. It’s not super distressing, but more so confusing and somewhat frustrating because I’ve always wanted to get there but just.. can’t?

Like I said in the title, I do masturbate. I’m pre-testosterone at the moment, and I don’t get dysphoria while I masturbate. I enjoy it while it happens. Usually I can get the most stimulation from the clitoris, so I do that, and there’s a buildup of pleasure.. but then it reaches a mini “peak” and goes away? Before that peak I want to keep going, but afterwards most of the time I just stop because suddenly the urge to continue goes away. Sometimes I do want to keep going, and sometimes I do, but it ends the same: I just do it until that peak comes and eventually I do feel like stopping. I don’t get why it happens. Maybe I’m unfocused? My mind does wander during the action, but whether I’m focused or into it the same thing happens.

I’ve never had sex either. Usually I use fanfiction or just porn to help because honestly I don’t have the best imagination - while I have fantasies, I can’t picture it very well by myself. Usually I end up just focusing on the feelings I have instead of any specific fantasy, unless I’m listening to an audio.

I’ve tried using a combo of fingering and clitoral stimulation, but then I can’t use my phone to look at whatever cause I need both hands. I’ve done both separately. I’ve used a vibrator and it feels good too, but only to a certain extent. No matter what I’ve tried it still ends the same: the feeling goes away and doesn’t go past that small peak. It never builds up much more after that, it just goes back to square one before building up to that small peak again, etc, and it’s like a loop. One time I tried making myself continue past the urge to stop, but it still happened, though it did feel a little bit more than usual? That time I used the vibrator. Except I ended up getting overstimulated and then I just stopped again. I think that time I didn’t even have any extra visual or audio or anything. I was at it for maybe an hour and a half and still no orgasm. I haven’t done that again because I didn’t want to force myself to continue when I didn’t want to continue.

I want to have an orgasm. I’m not uncomfortable with that part of myself down there. At least not when I’m masturbating; sometimes I do get minor bottom dysphoria, but it doesn’t bother me at all in the moment. Unless it’s a subconscious dysphoria or something??

My friend suggested maybe I can only finish with anal, or I just need to wait until I get a partner. I have not tried anal because I don’t know how to do that properly, or how to make sure everything is clean, empty, and ready etc. So maybe that’s the issue? I’m not sure. I wouldn’t mind anal though.

In conclusion, want to orgasm, but physically can’t seem to. Or maybe it’s mental.