I can’t wash my vulva

[rik45]

I’m a grown adult, but I was never really taught to wash my vulva or anything of the sort. I feel disgusting, when I look at it I see areas that need to be cleaned.

The issue is I can’t touch my vagina at all really. Whenever I try to use a washcloth or my fingers to clean, I have to stop. I start feeling sick and nauseous, the last time I tried I started crying. I don’t understand why.

I know I should talk to a doctor about this and I have an appointment scheduled soon, but if there’s anything I can do right now I’d like to know. Is there a way I can clean it without touching it like that? I can’t stand how gross I feel

[KierC]

Hello Rik45, and welcome to the boards

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with touching or looking at your vulva to wash it. We can definitely talk about some ways you may be able to wash your vulva without touching or looking at it too much. I do think that a doctor would be a good resource if you had some sort of infection or pain regarding your vulva, but for cleaning your vulva and struggling to look at/touch it, your best bet will be resources like this one here, and possibly with a gender-affirming therapist. With that in mind, would you also like to talk about some of the thoughts/feelings that come up when you go to wash your vulva?

So, there’s actually good news here: there’s no need to touch your inner labia or vaginal opening when cleaning. Those areas that are a bit more mucosal are self-cleaning (the mucosa contains healthy good flora that keep it clean without intervention), so the only area you’ll actually want to clean is the outer labia. The name of the game here is to gently cleanse the outer labia with a gentle, unscented soap and rinsing with lukewarm water, avoiding any serious rubbing. When you get out of the shower or bath, then you’ll want to gently dry the area by patting (not rubbing) with a towel, but this may be accomplished by placing a towel between your legs so you don’t have to touch it yourself. You could probably put unscented soap on your upper inner thigh and kind of move your legs together to wash the outer labia without using your hands, too. Some other ideas I have for cleaning the outer labia without touching it include using a detachable shower head, or just using a plastic cup to splash soapy water instead of rubbing it, or using some sort of sort washcloth like the towel-method I mentioned so you don’t have to feel skin-on-skin. Does any of that sound helpful to you?

[rik45]

This sounds good, I can try it when I shower later today. Any advice for under the clitoral hood?

[Andy]

Hi rik45,

I’m glad Kier’s ideas sound helpful! You might find that washing the vulva with some of the methods they mentioned will help clean the area around the clitoral hood as well and if that’s not enough then spending some time sitting in a warm bath or a basin filled with warm water may help wash away the smegma (which is how are the dead skin cells mixed with oils and sweat, that often collects around genitals, called).

[rik45]

Wanted to update on this since the advice has been helpful—I found that using a washcloth instead of fingers and quickly wiping around the inside can be helpful, since the washcloth can act as a barrier of sorts. Using a detachable shower head still makes me feel sick, but it gets a lot of the buildup off before I start feeling that way and need to stop. I’m hoping I’ll start getting used to it if i just do it enough

It seems like touching near the inner labia or clitoris is what makes me the most upset, still not really sure why but I do at least have a way around it now. Thanks for the help!

[Latha]

Let us know if you have any other questions!