Fingering

[Alrieayucl]

So I am eighteen and soon will be heading off to college where I do plan to finally lose my virginity but I never inserted anything up my vagina. My biggest fear is painful sex so I been trying to prep my body and fingering is something I’m interested in doing. I just don’t where to start no matter how many articles I read. Whenever I try, I get to overthinking. I do know that arousal makes it easier which isn’t an issue since my body is sensitive but I think it’s more of a mental and inexperienced thing. I get so nervous that I don’t even want to have sex anymore until that feeling passes and I’m back to wanting to have sex really badly. Any advice is welcomed, thank you!!

[Heather]

Hi there, Alrieayucl. Welcome to the boards. <3

So, just to be clear, we can't really "prep" our bodies in the way people tend to think who are saying some of the things you are. By all means, we can get practice doing some things so that we are more familiar with what they generally feel like, and develop some comfort with doing them, but nothing you will do with your vagina now will do anything physically that sticks around for months or years, if that's what you're thinking. Too, because of how our arms are attached and where the genital are, while you can get plenty of practice doing things like with the external portions of your vulva, like the external clitoris, you won't be able to do much with your fingers and your vagina. That's just something where a partner has a whole world of leverage and flexibility and such you can't have on your own.

That said, if you want the experience of feeling what it feels like to take something inso your vagina and have something inside, a toy for vaginal play will be your best bet.

And all of that said, what tends to cause pain with this kind of sex are a few things: anxiousness and nervousness, for sure, but also a lack of enough lube, doing things when you're not very turned on, and a partner just being too rough, hasty, or noncommunicative. The best things you can do to prevent pain with any kind of vaginal sex are learning how to relax, making sure you always have plenty of lube on hand, taking your time and only doing what feels good (and stopping if anything doesn't), but just as much, if not more, getting good at picking actually-good partners you feel comfortable with, and communicating with them about sex clearly, before, during and after. All of those things will do a lot more than putting your fingers in your own vagina, though that's certainly okay to do if you want, for any reason.

How can we best help you from here with this?