1) I have discovered in the last six months or so that I experience varying degrees of pain from most forms of vaginal stimulation. A bit lot of background: As a child/adolescent, my primary method of masturbation was rubbing my vulva against pillows or my bed and contracting my pelvic muscles while fantasizing; after I hit puberty and fell for the notion that females should derive pleasure from vaginal penetration, I attempted manual vaginal stimulation briefly before realizing I got little out of it and returning to my typical methods. Once I properly discovered my clitoris, I really decided my vagina was pointless
. I eventually discovered blended orgasms, and my relationship vagina became much more friendly. Fast forward four years or so --this past fall/winter, I decided that I wanted to have penetrative vaginal sex with a guy I'd been "seeing" long-distance, so I started experimenting with pushing one finger deeper - which was neither painful nor particularly pleasurable - and inserting multiple fingers - which ranged from uncomfortable to painful, but the bad sensation was localized to the outer area. I went home for Thanksgiving break and had a pleasant first playtime with the guy, including oral and manual sex. I was fine when he used one finger, but two was painful, so I asked him not to do that. (He made the comment later that afternoon that he wasn't sure when we would be able to have sex because I was very tight -- apparently the smallest woman he'd been with -- which made me uncomfortable and may have contributed to later stress. I eventually requested that he not say that I was tight (which he tended to mutter when he was aroused and fingering me) because it made me uncomfortable, and he promptly complied, albeit after attempting to reassure me that most people thought it was a good thing. When I returned during winter break, we met up again. There was plenty of foreplay, but even so I found just one finger to be too much. We moved on to oral sex, after which we attempted PIV. Which was on the spetrum between uncomfortable and painful (two out of three things I'd promised myself my first time wouldn't be
). I was long process of starting, ouching, stopping, "Are-you-okay's," "I think so's," letting me work through my emotions, breathing, kissing, starting over, ouching, stopping, "What would you like," "What would you like," starting over... I was okay when he was doing shallow strokes, with what I would assumed was primarily the head of his penis, but when he tried to push further, it felt like he was hitting a wall. The more he pressed, the more discomfort and eventually pain I felt. It got to the point where he just pressed in close and made a short thrusting motion to push through the tough spot. As we proceeded with intercourse, I was aware of the fact that the tough spot was essentially a ring that felt closed too tight; it was painful in that area, but on either side of it, I was mostly just uncomfortable (worth noting at this point that my male partner had a rather large penis, both in terms of length and girth, so I chalked the general discomfort up to just having never had something that large inside me). We had sex several more times during my break, but not one occasion was completely pain free, though the degree of pain greatly lessened over time. Typically, the initial insertion would hurt, and after a couple minutes I would be mostly fine. If we started out with me on top, it was least painful; missionary was the worst position. Even the time where I was making-a-mess-of-the-sheets wet, there was pain during insertion, so I'm not sure that it's an arousal issue.Fast forward to the past three months of post-intercourse solo exploration I've discovered two related things: 1) That "ring" I feel activates when I contract my pelvic muscles; 2) That "ring" also contracts involuntarily when I stimulate my clitoris. So my conclusion is that a decade of pseudo-kegels has produced a lot of tone in my vagina, which probably was the cause of my wonderful solo orgasms and my penetrative-sex pain, and that the more I play with my clit or the more aroused I am, the tighter those muscles contract, and the more I increase the likelihood that penetration will be painful.
I researched female pelvic anatomy, particularly that of the internal clitoris, and it seems like there's tissue around the entrance of the vagina that swells to close it tighter and "cuff" the penis, which is supposed to result in more pleasure but for me seems to be causing pain.Post-intercourse, I've noticed a decrease in the strength of my orgasms (which it's worth noting I could not acheive at all during the three weeks I was with my guy, the first time in my life I've ever done a sexual thing and not come from it) and my ability to "kegel," so I think it kind of stretched/weakened those muscles. I've been slowly working to remedy this, but I a little afraid that it's going to make intercourse painful again.
I realize there's really no question posed, but any advice for reducing pain, recovering orgasm quality, or similar stories to show I'm not alone would be appreciated.
2) Since I wrote an essay for the last point, I keep this on brief. During my play sessions last fall/winter, I realized that I "lose" sensation in my genitals fairly quickly. One moment, I'm enjoying my lover's tongue or penis, and two minutes later, I feel very "meh" about the whole thing. Especially when he's inside me and I try to stimulate my clitoris: I feel "nothing" -- at best, I feel like I'm rubbing my nose, at worst it hurts. I've read that a decrease in clitoral sensitivity is actually a sign of increased arousal, but it happens so quickly that I'm not sure that this is what is happening, and it puts a damper on the mood regardless.
Again, no real question in the above, but any advice or commentary is welcome.
This has all been bothering me for a while, and I really just needed to share
