Hi,
So I've been officially in a relationship with a guy for almost 3 months now, but I've known him well for 3 years. I recently moved so we are doing it long distance but I still love him loads! We've kissed and made out no it never ceases to give me that AMAZING feeling. Recently I've been masturbating and yes, it feels good, and I've been fantasising (even dreaming) about having sex with my bf.
The thing is is that we're 15. I don't know how he feel about this sort of thing but the truth is, I'd like to have sex with him. I'm close with my mum so think I would be able to talk with her first about getting some birth control but I still don't know. I know sex isn't all it cracks up to be sometimes but I just want to try and feel like opening myself up to him. I feel like I can trust him I think he feels the same way about me.
What should I do? I'd love to do it, my mum even said he could sleep at our house in the holiday (long distance remember) but I don't think she'd agree with us having sex.
How should I get this started between my boyfriend and my mum?
Going all out.
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dday76
- not a newbie
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Re: Going all out.
here you go:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/20 ... rents.html
This is media coverage plus a book called "Not Under My Roof" that compares US and Dutch parenting with respect to teens. The idea is that in the US, parents rabidly oppose any sex and say things like 'not under my roof'. Well where do they think it will happen? Cars, overpasses, the beach, drunken parties? Why not at home where good decisions can prevail?
You're right that it's an awkward discussion, but you can ease her into it. Say 'look at this article/book, what do you think? I'm not ready now of course, but when I am, what kind of rules were you thinking about, mom?' And the Dutch culture will give her a good opportunity to be open-minded.
You've got a great head start on a relationship. You've had a boyfriend you've known for 3 years, and you've been with him for months. (which is to say you're not thinking about sex with some random boy you met last month or an hour ago.) At least in general terms, I doubt you'll get a safer and more caring introduction into sex than that. I won't offer any opinion about young women, but his freakin' head is going to explode, if he's anything like I was at that age. He's probably also scared out of his mind, and that introduction into sex from a known and trusted partner is as good for boys as girls. So at a certain point, you might say, 'mom, I think he'd be a great guy to learn about sex with' or whatever your words are. The choice is not him or never, it's him or who knows who.
two caveats:
- All of the preceding sounds like encouragement. I'm not encouraging anything. I'm just talking through options based on what you seem to want.
- Also, long distance is a red flag. I don't know anything about that, but be wary. Make sure this guy is who you think he is. If it's long distance but you've met lots of times, that's probably fine. But if you've never met in person, then be very careful.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/20 ... rents.html
This is media coverage plus a book called "Not Under My Roof" that compares US and Dutch parenting with respect to teens. The idea is that in the US, parents rabidly oppose any sex and say things like 'not under my roof'. Well where do they think it will happen? Cars, overpasses, the beach, drunken parties? Why not at home where good decisions can prevail?
You're right that it's an awkward discussion, but you can ease her into it. Say 'look at this article/book, what do you think? I'm not ready now of course, but when I am, what kind of rules were you thinking about, mom?' And the Dutch culture will give her a good opportunity to be open-minded.
You've got a great head start on a relationship. You've had a boyfriend you've known for 3 years, and you've been with him for months. (which is to say you're not thinking about sex with some random boy you met last month or an hour ago.) At least in general terms, I doubt you'll get a safer and more caring introduction into sex than that. I won't offer any opinion about young women, but his freakin' head is going to explode, if he's anything like I was at that age. He's probably also scared out of his mind, and that introduction into sex from a known and trusted partner is as good for boys as girls. So at a certain point, you might say, 'mom, I think he'd be a great guy to learn about sex with' or whatever your words are. The choice is not him or never, it's him or who knows who.
two caveats:
- All of the preceding sounds like encouragement. I'm not encouraging anything. I'm just talking through options based on what you seem to want.
- Also, long distance is a red flag. I don't know anything about that, but be wary. Make sure this guy is who you think he is. If it's long distance but you've met lots of times, that's probably fine. But if you've never met in person, then be very careful.
sexuality, including the emotional, interpersonal, and biological functions, implications, risks, and opportunities, are almost entirely mysterious to humans in the absence of clear, candid, science-based, and compassionate education;
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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Re: Going all out.
I also hear you saying you don't yet know how your boyfriend feels about having sex, so there's another conversation -- and more likely, more than one -- you'll want to start having to help you figure out what the best choices are for everyone involved. For obvious reasons, if you're thinking about having sex with him, you'll need to know how he feels about that! 
I'm tossing you a few links that can be helpful when making these choices and when talking about them with a partner:
• Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
• Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
• Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
I'm tossing you a few links that can be helpful when making these choices and when talking about them with a partner:
• Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
• Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
• Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead