Ob/Gyn Help!

[niayuki]

For the past years I've suffered with Heavy menstrual flow and horrible pains that don't allow me to concentrate in class during my period. I have kept skipping the thought of going to a gynecologist because when I search for one I see so many bad reviews that scare me and I also don't know how to tell my mother I want to go to one.

I recently became sexually active this has maked me want to visit one even more. I'm hoping on getting birth control and also find out how I can solve my painful periods but I don't know how to ask my mom or find one. I'm scared my mom will find out also (she has no idea I had sex or that I want birth control) she can't know because she will react horribly.

[Heather]

I don't know what you mean about "bad reviews," but OB/GYNs are like anyone in any field. For instance, if you research restaurants, you're going to find a range of reviews about them, because there's no such thing as all restaurants being good, or all being bad. They vary. The same goes with OB/GYNs or any other kind of healthcare provider. Make sense?

So, the why of your painful periods -- once a healthcare provider can figure that out -- is going to be the biggest part of what is suggested to help you with them. That may or may not be a method of birth control. So, if you want a method of birth control to prevent pregnancy, but also want care around your heavy, painful periods, what you'll want to do is tell whoever you see that, and make an appointment where what you're asking for is for a general exam (and probably STI tests, too, if you've been having sex and haven't started that yet), help with painful periods, and contraception.

Whether or not you include your mother in any of this is up to you. You can seek out and get this kind of healthcare on your own, or you can ask your mother to help you with it (and you don't have to tell her that sexual healthcare and contraception is some of what you want here if you don't want to). Which would you prefer?

[niayuki]

Sorry if I wasn't clear enough, I have trouble explaining myself in English.

What I meant with bad reviews is that patients of these doctors had wrotten on the doctor's page negative experiences they had. I'm very shy when it has to do with my body I only talk with my boyfriend and really close friends about it so I wouldn't want my mom present when I speak with the doctor. I'm highly interested in getting all the exams I may need and also hear what the doctor may have to say about my heavy flow. I'm only having problems finding a a Gynecologist and also telling my mom. I feel awkward telling her anything that has to do with my body, my mother doesn't even know when I get my periods :/

[Heather]

It's okay (and my Spanish isn't awesome, but if you'd prefer to post in Spanish, I can handle that if you can handle me making some mistakes!).

The thing is, again, when people can review a service, not only will there sometimes be bad reviews, more people tend to write bad reviews than good ones, because people who have good experiences feel satisfied. But by all means, if you see or hear about a given doctor with a lot of bad reviews, then by all means, it's sound to choose someone else. If you want help finding quality sexual healthcare in your area, we can do that. We can also talk with you about getting past some of your fears about a doctor seeing your body.

I'm still not clear on if you WANT to involve your mother with any of this healthcare or not. Can you fill me in on that?

[niayuki]

I'm only sixteen so I'm guessing I need my mom to take me if I like it or not. I'm fine with her driving me to get my healthcare but I don't want her to be able to know anything that happens between me and the doctor. I also know I might have to do a survey or fill some papers with information which makes me worried that she will read them. I really don't want her knowing what I ask or say to the doctor and if it's possible I don't want her to know I'm on birth control because I'm sexually active.

[Heather]

In the United States, minors can get sexual healthcare without the permission and involvement of parents. So, what I want to know is what you want: do you want your mother involved? or would you prefer to do this without her involvement?

We can talk about how to do things like fill out forms and be alone in an exam -- and what privacy rights you have, regardless -- with her there, but again, she doesn't need to be there at all, if you don't want.

[niayuki]

I had no idea I could go on my own. Honestly I don't want her involved at all but she is all I have for transportation. I was born in the United States but we had moved to the Caribbean where she is originally from so I don't have family or friends here that can help me with transportation. This means she has to know that I'm going to the gynecologist and will be the one taking me to my appointment once it's made. I guess my only big problem here is preventing her from knowing my other reason for going to the gynecologist which is for birth control. I've also been searching on the internet for gynecologist in my area and it's been a headache to find one.

[Heather]

Okay. So, let's first check into the transportation options, okay? You mentioned you are sexually active: do you have a current sexual partner (you'd posted in the past about a long-term boyfriend, but I don't know if you're still together)? If so, can they help with transportation?

And be it alone or with them -- or a friend from school, etc. -- how's public transit where you are? What about walking, biking, etc? Are you urban, suburban or rural?

Can you share your postal code with me? That way I can do some of that legwork at finding someone, since we do this all the time, so it's probably easier for us than it might be for you just yet.

[niayuki]

Yes,my partner is still the same person. I talked to him about this and he can't help with transportation only with money. His parents and my mother disapprove about teenagers having sex so if I were to ask it will end pretty ugly.

I have no friends that can help with transportation. I know we have buses in my area but since I'm new here I'm still kind of lost. I'm sorry but I don't really know what my area would be (I don't know what those words mean) but I'm going to guess it's rural. I live near Fort Hood Military Base in Texas, our zip code is 76542. I hope this information can help.

[Heather]

Can I ask how he gets around? Or how you both deal with transportation when it comes to being sexual together?

Also, does money mean he could pay for a cab?

How about learning to use your public transit? Honestly, it's one of those things that is just good to do, period, especially as you're becoming an adult. We've got to figure out how to get ourselves around, after all, and soon, you likely won't have family to give you rides, you know?

Urban = in a city. Suburban = in a suburb of a city. Rural = away from cities and suburbs (or, if it makes it easier, where there are sometimes more livestock or plants than people ).

I'm going to go look up that zip and see what's around for you right now.

[Heather]

Okay, so I have a couple options for you.

This free clinic, in Killeen, provides sexual healthcare, including contraception, every Wednesday: http://www.gkfclinic.org/

This also looks close, and they provide STI testing. Not sure if they provide contraception or not, but you can call and ask:
Texas Department of State Health Services
Bell County Public Health District Temple Clinic
509 S 9th St
Temple, TX 76504
Phone: 254-778-4766

Because the latter is public health-based (the first listing is free care, period), you likely can get healthcare there at no or low cost.

Do either of those look like options for you?

If not, can you fill me in on where you get your other healthcare? Is it on or off-base? And do you like whatever clinic or doctor(s) you already see for healthcare?

[niayuki]

When we want to be sexual with each other he usually walks to my house when his family is not home or he walks from his school to my house when no one is there with me. Sadly it's the only way, our parents would never allow us to be doing these kind of things.

You are right, it's good for me to try to be more independent and not rely on my family for transportation but my mom has always kept a close eye on me so she is with me 24/7 for everything I do. I'm not sure what he meant with helping me with money but maybe he was trying to say he would pay if the doctor charged me anything.

Those options look good, I can get healthcare on and off base if that is of any help for you.

[Heather]

Why isn't he open to working with you to get transportation? For instance, what if he took the bus with you? Does he understand that sexual healthcare is necessary when people are being sexual with partners, and that you need contraception to feel okay having sex?

How about making those phone calls to those two places tomorrow, then letting me know if either wound up being workable for you?

Just FYI, if you two are finding ways to have time away from parents to have sex, then Mom clearly isn't with you 24/7, and you can also find time for this, no? Personally, I'd say that if it only feels like you can make this happen for sex, but not for the care you need, then you'll want to work on turning that around. If you and your boyfriend (who also will need sexual healthcare, btw) can sneak around for sex, we can sneak around for sexual healthcare.

In the meantime, do you want to talk about what method, if any, of contraception you're using now that IS within your reach, or talk more about the specifics of your painful periods to see what you might be able to do for them sooner, rather than only with healthcare once you find it?

[niayuki]

We haven't talked much about this topic since he has been out of town for a while. He did agree that if I felt like I needed to go to the gynecologist for both situations it was okay and he could help. Now that school ended he hasn't sneaked out anymore since he lives further away so it might complicate things but once I talk with him and we call the options you gave us we might be able to set everything on track.

I'm willing to talk about my periods or what you may need to know to help me. My painful periods have been going on since I first had my period about five to six years ago so it might explain why I'm so tired of it

[Heather]

Sounds like we should focus on the periods, then, until you a) talk more with your boyfriend, and b) find out if either of those clinic options will work for you.

Can you answer these questions for me:
• Can you give me a more specific idea of how heavy (how many pads or tampons in one day) your periods are, and how painful (one a scale of zero to ten, with ten being the worst possible pain you can imagine) they are?
• The pain you are having, is is just uterine cramps, or does the cramping move to other parts of your body? What else is happening at the time, like any back pain, headaches, nausea, bowel or digestion issues, etc?
• When is the pain happening? Only during periods? Or also just before and after OR at other times in your cycle?
• Do you have any other current health issues or concerns?
• What's your diet like, especially around the time you have periods?
• What have you already been doing to manage the pain when you have it?

[niayuki]

Okay, during my period I can change six to eight times a day if I don't want any stains to occur. If I change four or six times sometimes (in most occasions) the pad will be really heavy or it's completely or close to fully red and these are the long/large overnight pads sometimes when my period isn't as heavy I use the long regular ones and there still are stains on my underwear and sometimes pants.

The pain I think I can say it's seven to nine, it gets better when my period is about to end.

I get cramps,headaches,nausea,I have no appetite (I see food and I feel like throwing up), sometimes I can't sleep or focus in class because I can feel the blood gush out (sorry if I'm being to graphic) and the last thing is I can't eat anything because it makes me sick but I think it's normal for me because I usually have digestive problems it's just worse during my period.

All these symptoms happen days before my period and sometimes a day after it ends. The only health issues I have is digestive and I also have Asthma. My diet is pretty healthy I don't eat much fast food because my digestive problems but during my period I crave candy a lot sometimes I crave fruits from the island I lived in but that is all. I manage my cramps with warm baths and pain killers it's all that helps a little.

I hope this can help and I'm sorry if I can't explain correctly or I'm making things sound funny.

[Heather]

No worries about being too graphic: I pretty much literally grew up in a hospital, so it's very hard to gross me out.

So I'll go through these, and my thoughts, one by one.

The level of flow you're talking about may not be that heavy. Heavy flow -- to a degree it's a signal of something being the matter -- is more like someone having to change pads less than every two hours. But it does at least sound on the heavier side of average, at best, so it makes sense to ask a doctor about it, just in case.

That level of pain, on the other hand, is very much outside typical, and I would say should absolutely be addressed. Same goes for how big an impact your period is having with the rest of your body. I'd also say you should be sure to bring up the digestive issues with whoever you see, because these things may be related in some way.

A couple things I can see you might want to work on, as they might help:
• Avoid eating things you know your body doesn't do well with around your period, even if you're craving them. You know they don't make you feel well as it is, and again, some of the issue here may be digestive in part, anyway. It might help to know that while often people will crave the junky stuff with or around periods, it's actually the WORST time to eat them. People tend to have more comfortable periods when they pull out their BEST self-care around it. So, better to eat the crummy stuff when it's not your period.

• How are you with drinking more water around periods? If you're having all this pain in your middle, more water can help.

• Can you perhaps see ANY doctor you usually see ASAP? I ask because, if so, you can certainly talk to them about this and at least get a pain medication to use. No sense waiting that out longer if you can at least be in less pain. It may take a few months for an OB/GYN to figure it out even once you do see one. If not, do make sure you're using an over-the-counter painkiller that does a good job with pain of large muscle groups, like the uterus. Of common over-the-counter painkillers, sodium naproxen (Aleve is one brand of that), is a best one for that, as is ibuprofen (Advil). Other kinds, like aspirin or Tylenol, don't do as well with that kind of pain. The other bonus of those other two is that they can help decrease uterine contractions, which is the big why of most menstrual cramping.

• Have you ever tried getting extra exercise a few days before, and then the day of (probably not the day of yet, since you've been feeling like this)? Sometimes, extra activity helps people with painful periods just as much as extra rest can, sometimes even better.

[niayuki]

I try to drink plenty of water and do exercise but when I have my period I can't the pain is horrible. I usually walk a couple of miles to keep active but during the seven days of my period I honestly can't

[niayuki]

My mother told me today that she made an appointment for me and my brother with our doctor this week. I'm not sure if they can help with my heavy periods and with the birth control but if I'm able to see them without my mother being there with me I'll ask them.Hopefully they might know how to help me.

[Heather]

Are these doctors general practitioners? If so, they can at least get started with the periods -- and you can talk to them about a pain medication -- and can also often do birth control consults.

Want to talk in advance here about choosing a method, in case they can do that, but don't do big consults?

[niayuki]

They are general practitioners. I just told my mom about the pains I've been having and the heavy periods so she agreed on me talking to them about that issue.

Yesterday during our conversation I searched some types of birth control and I think I'm interested in the oral birth control but how they are a large variety it's hard to select one.

[Heather]

Well, it's not on a patient to select a brand of pill: that's something a doctor does, and then you figure out what brand is a best fit for you by just trying one, seeing how it goes, and so on. They also will take other issues into account, such as choosing a brand or hormone combo that seems likely to help with some things you might need -- like with cramps -- and won't create side effects for you.

Did you want to talk about the pill vs. other similar kinds of contraception?

[niayuki]

So not all contraceptives how the same affects?

I believe this would be all, you most have a lot of people other than me to help so I'll talk with the doctor about the rest. Thank you very much for everything! May you have a wonderful day

[Heather]

Contraception is a diverse group of medications, devices and behaviours, so nope. Some are more similar -- for instance, the pill, patch and ring are all nearly identical save how often people have to use them -- others are super-different, like IUDs vs. condoms.

Have you yet used our tool on the site to help you find your best methods? If not, it'd probably be helpful to do that so you can walk into the doctor's having an idea of which methods you want to consider: Birth Control Bingo!

Do you need help making sure you are alone in that exam room?

[niayuki]

That sounds of much help, how can I do the search and how can I have privacy during the appointment?