PID?

[ICantThink]

It's kind of ironic that a complete stranger is able to pick up on the difficulties I'm facing at home. It's one of those situations where as soon as I'm 18, I'm getting away from family. It happens, it's sad, but it happens.

I don't think I'll need to do another pelvic exam until next month when I have to do my follow up appointment. And even then, I might no have to, but it's with an obgyn. So the chances of it being a female are higher than it was at an army base. That's my hope anyway. To be honest though, I feel a lot better than I did getting it out there on here. Not completely back to normal, but better. So thank you to everyone who helped and gave their advice. I really do appreciate all the help from you guys

[Heather]

You know, I had to leave home at 15, so I understand, and I also know very well that sometimes it is the best choice. But I am sorry you're in that situation: I know it hurts and it's hard.

I didn't realize your care was in a base, where, unfortunately, this kind of healthcare is often substandard.

I do want to encourage you to hold your lines with this care. If you only want to see a woman, you do get to refuse care otherwise.

[Sunshine]

It sounds to me as if your experience was traumatic and as if you were violated, even if the examiner probably didn't mean for it to be this way. I'm not sure whether my experiences could actually be helpful for you, because I have not had to deal with this kind of trouble. All I can talk about is how to get through a regular gynecological exam without too much discomfort. My problem is that I am very sensitive and feel pain very easily and strongly. Also, I am a very anxious person. I can't just "go and do" things like this, I need strategies to deal with them and backup plans and reassurance plans and self-care plans and what not (my life is fucking complicated). But I haven't been traumatized in the process of seeking healthcare and I don't know too much about dealing with trauma, period.

Just because I said I'd tell you, here's what I do when I have to get a pelvic exam: I get on that chair, put my feet in those little steps and then, rather than actively open my legs, I just sort of let them fall to the side passively and rest my knees heavily on the sides of the chair. I imagine my whole body is really heavy and limp. Just before the doctor puts the ultrasound probe or her fingers in, I inhale deeply and when she does it, I exhale so deeply that I can feel it in my lower abdomen. I've found that this really relaxes the muscles.

The breathing part is something my first gynecologist taught me. She was really sweet and understanding. I don't think I can describe really well how it works, she had this whole little breathing routine she'd talk me through.

It works really well for me. These days, I don't mind going to the gyn at all, it's actually a rather good experience usually, even though I've had to change doctors due to moving. The only time I can think of that was still really painful was when I had PID. I do not know of any way to make that less horrid - except maybe take a pain killer or even a mild tranquilizer in advance.

I have always requested to see a woman and that has never been denied. How awful for you that you were told you didn't have a choice! That sucks big time.

So, so sorry you had to go through all of this. And about your situation at home, too.

[ICantThink]

I appreciate the help and advice from everyone here. Things have gotten a little bit better, I'm back at work and my mom has kind of laid off some. I feel less upset about the whole thing really, not completely because I still think I should have been completely informed on what was going to happen and been given a choice, but I don't think about it as much. Which I'll gladly take.

I really appreciate everyone's help on either giving advice or just listening. It meant a lot and it really did help me feel better.

[Heather]

So glad to hear it.

But you're right: both from a legal standpoint and simply when it comes to ethical medical practices and real care for patients, unless someone's life is at risk ALL medical care always needs to be a choice. (If you want to talk about how to file a report with the medical board for your state, btw, if any of this was something done against your will and any limits you stated, let me know. I'd be happy to look up your local board reporting agency for you.) And from a patient care perspective, good healthcare providers will always tell you what they're going to do before they do it.

[ICantThink]

I realized I never responded to this and for that I sincerely apologize and talking to you helped me immensely when dealing with this situation. It took a few months to get over the violated feeling. I didn't want to be touched by anyone and I definitely didn't want to have sex for a while either because I still got really creeped out and uncomfortable by even the thought of it and my boyfriend was really supportive of it all.

Things with my mom haven't gotten any better, but I'm in the process of moving out on the 31 and taking a break from her for a bit. I'm also going to therapy to help as I've hit a depression hole as of lately, and just have a lot of years of pent up emotions I've been holding back. So you hit it right on the head about the problems at home, there definitely is and always has been. But I'm finally taking actual steps to fixing them instead of just saying I was going to fix things.

I really can't thank you enough for talking with me through this time as it really helped. For a while this was my only outlet on getting my feelings about it out there and it took a lot of stress off me and I really appreciate that.