lesbian sex? sos

[lovelyninny]

my partner and i are both teenage girls. she has had previous experience with sex (with guys and with girls) but i have not. a few weeks ago, i had sex for the first time with her. she fingered and went down on me, and i did not feel any pleasure...like at all. it just felt like pressure when she used fingers (and it hurt). i suspected it was only because it was my first time. but we've had sex once more since then and still the same. she tells me that my body just needs to get used to it. i have masturbated before and been able to orgasm, so why do i feel literally no pleasure in having sex with her? the only part that i enjoy is the idea. sos i need help.

[Karyn]

Hi lovelyninny, and welcome to Scarleteen.

One question, first of all. When you're having sex, are you letting your girlfriend know that whatever it is she's doing isn't feeling good to you, particularly if it hurts? One of the most important things in partnered sex is communication, not only before sex but during: about what each person likes and doesn't like, what they want to do at that moment ("I'd like to try xyz"), and whether something feels good or not ("That's awesome, but can you move your finger a little to the left please?"). It can feel awkward at first - most people aren't used to talking about sex - but with practice it tends to get easier and being able to tell your partner what is or isn't working for you is honestly one of the key things when it comes to having sex you really enjoy. If you know what feels good when you masturbate, that's something you can share with your girlfriend, and even show her if you're comfortable with that. We have an article on the main site about communication that can help you get started with that: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

The reason communication is so important is that not everyone likes the same things; everyone's body is different and there is no formula when it comes to sex. One person might really really love being touched in a certain way, whereas someone else might find it sort of meh or even uncomfortable. When you're not experiencing pleasure from what your girlfriend is doing, it isn't because you're new to sex or your body just needs to get used to it, it's just because you're you, with your unique body, and whatever she's doing isn't working for your body. That doesn't make what she's doing wrong - maybe she's had partners in the past who've enjoyed it - and it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It just means that the two of you need to experiment and communicate and figure out what DOES work for the two of you together. One place you could start is by going through this checklist - on your own or together - and then talking about it together, seeing where your lists match up and where they don't: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

One other thing I want to address is your comment that when your girlfriend used her fingers, it hurt. I don't know if you're talking about her putting her fingers inside your vagina, but if you are, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. The first is that the vaginal canal doesn't actually have a lot of nerve endings, and for a lot of women vaginal entry all on its own won't feel that great. The second thing is that even for women who do enjoy some kind of vaginal entry - with fingers, a toy, a penis, whatever - it's not something that feels good if they're not pretty turned on. The reason for that is that the muscles around the vagina relax when a person gets aroused, making entry easier and more comfortable. (You can read more about that here: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide) Lastly: lube! That goes for any kind of sex, really, whether you're having sex that involves vaginal entry nor not, lube helps ensure that there isn't too much friction and just generally makes things more comfortable. You can find a bottle of water-based lube at any drugstore or supermarket, and a bottle tends to last a while because you usually only need a few drops at a time.

Hopefully some of this is helpful, and if any of it isn't clear or you have questions about something I've said, just shout.