a struggling struggle

[ocean99]

so i found this when i was scrolling around:

'Ah, crushes on teachers. I had quite a few of them, from high school all the way up until my graduate degree.
I never acted on them, and if my teachers knew (they must have) they never took advanage of it, and were instead some of the kindest and most loving (in positive ways) people that I've had the privilege of interacting with.

What I realized, over time, was that I wasn't interested in a couple-type relationship with these people. What I did want from them was:

a) an intellectual relationship that I wasn't getting from my peers -- these were *smart* people, and I wanted to talk to them and learn from them

b) support of all kinds -- my family was falling apart, and I was really looking for parent figures

c) to feel special and to feel loved -- I was lonely, and I was smart, and I sought attention from my teachers, who seemed to value being smart in ways that my peers didn't

And when I realized that this was what I kept pursuing, I was able to start working on addressing some of the issues that were making me look for that, and also in seeing those relationships for what they were -- friendships, mentorships, and intellectual relationships. And those kinds of relationships, I feel, have enriched my life, and I believe that they are possible, but one must be really careful to understand power dynamics and the liabilities involved.

So, I guess what I'd encourage you to do is to think about why you have this crush. What is engaging in the crush kind of behavior doing for you?'
-Erin

and i totally screamed aloud because y'know what... this is me right now.
i am struggling. yes, though i am sad that i don't get to see the favorite teacher of mine all the time like i used to, i'm trying really hard to get over that. i need to realize that life goes on and that i need to continue focusing on myself and my own interests in things. this guy isn't going to be here forever, he could either move away or possibly die since he had a stroke, and that's life. so i need to get over him. but one thing that i hope for, is that i'll come across others that are either as awesome as him or even better. i need not be sad poop forever.

[Jacob]

Oh Wow! That's from 2001!

Losing people from our lives, including mentors we admire is a really tough part of life. Sometimes those are adults around whom we can let out certain aspects of ourselves, and feel accepted when other adults might not.

Are you doing anything to help you get through it? I find that writing helps a lot... is that something you've done?