Trying to stay calm in a scary world

[Sunshine]

Hello everybody.

First of all: I am so, so, so sorry for everybody affected by this election. I did expect this outcome, but that's not really helping me personally right now and I can imagine many of you may feel the same.

I don't live in the USA, but I am still convinced that this will affect me and everyone and everything I love. Besides, there are very similar political and social movements in my country and right now, I feel as if it's only a matter of time until masses of destructive, hateful and brutal people will dominate my little world.

The past few days, I have not been able to laugh and I cannot focus on "trivial" subjects at all. I have been able to do my work, somehow, thank goodness, but beyond that... I am just scared and sad and scared again.

Many of the people I work with are WWII, fascism and post-war Europe survivors. I listen to their experiences and I fear that something like what they went through is part of my future and of the future of all my friends and family and many more.

I would have loved to say this in a very different context, but I am pregnant. What kind of a world am I bringing this poor innocent child into? What have I done? How in the world will I be able to give it the feeling of security and love and hope it needs, that basic faith, independent of any religion, that my parents gave me?

I had terrible cramps the other night and for a split second I seriously believed that the little soul had realized what was going on in the world and changed its mind about wanting to be part of it. (Then my common sense kicked in, I went straight to the hospital and was fortunately discharged with a clear bill of health for both of us after a mercifully short period of time).

What can I say. I would love to offer consolation and support to other people out there, but right now, I can't find any words that feel adequate.

I am thinking of all of you.

[Jacob]

A lot of my friends have had really big problems and traumatic stuff happening, the election result just felt like another blow to all of us in the marginalised groups who at a larger scale been crapped on by the candidate who won...

...but it's also been a time when I've seen and felt a lot of people reach out. I'm so thankful for the community around scarleteen and your words here.

We may need some time to grieve before we get started but we will continue to fight fascism, nothing is inevitable. Even if the very worst comes to pass there is a deep sense of life that people like Anne Frank help me understand pushes through even the worst times. We have eachother but we are also not at the stage of total fascism thankfully.

That doesn't mean you need to feel calm if that isn't where you are after this election. The sense of powerlessness and frustration or panic are all real things we may need to go through right now. But you aren't alone and there continues to be so much good in the world and in people, even if they make terrible terrible decisions.

Thank you for starting this thread and reaching out. I think lots of us need that in times of crisis.

[Sunshine]

Thank you for replying!

It feels really good to know that I am not alone. Unfortunately, most people around me treat the election and its results as a big joke. They think it doesn't have anything to do with them because it's happening "over there". Well, I have family "over there" and besides, I consider it seriously naive to assume that anything that happens in the USA will have no effect whatsoever on the rest of the world.

The far-right xenophobic, anti-democracy party where I live claimed "we are president" on Nov 9th. Places where refugees live have been torched and attacked. Some of my own co-workers, mostly in powerful positions, have said things like "all muslims are terrorists", "we should build a wall", "all they want is our money" etc. etc. etc.

I would love to do something positive, to spread love and support and hope. I feel that I have to get to a better place fast, for my child first of all but for others as well. Only right now, I sort of... can't.

I just read Sam's blog post about these days and I absolutely love it. Thank you, Sam! Especially for saying that gentleness can be a form of resistance. Yes, I can do that, even when very sad and very anxious. Thank you for making me feel a little less powerless!

I really needed that right now.

[Mo]

Thanks for your kind thoughts, Sunshine. I do live in the US and I can't pretend to be anything but terrified right now; negative consequences have already happened and I and many people I know are scrambling to take care of things like name changes, same-sex marriages, passport updates, etc. while we know we can. Right now I'm doing what I can to comfort friends but I barely feel strong enough to offer support. I have no idea what the future will hold but I'm trying to remind myself that I have a community of loved ones and that we'll all have each other's backs as much as possible. It's not a lot of comfort right now, but it's something.

[Sunshine]

It's actually a pretty big something, if you ask me. Still, I am so, so sorry for all that you and your friends are going through.

I think I have overcome the shock phase by now. I am astonished and more than a bit alarmed by the rapidity with which many media have begun to try and normalize the situation. But I no longer feel as if I had just been run over by a train. I see potential danger staring us in the face and I am staring back, for the time quite collectedly.

My next steps will be:
- Get more involved in and much better informed about politics in my own country. Not that I was ever indifferent, but I do think I had a false sense of security about the democratic system I live in and its stability.
- Get more people to vote in the upcoming national election in my country next year. I read recently that only little more than half the people who could have actually voted in the recent presidential election in the US. That's... not good for democracy. To put it mildly. I am sure there were some who had no proper access to the polls, but I fear that a large proportion of non-voters simply didn't care enough and that's horrible. How do you get people to care? Any suggestions from you lovely activists out here?
- Since I have no idea what will happen next - to the world, to the USA, to my country, my family, my child, myself - I will savor every moment of happiness while I have got it.
- I will look out for my friends, family, neighbors, co-workers more than ever.
- I will have this baby and when it's there, I will give it so much fucking love that it will grow fucking immune to all the hate that is spewed around it. I promise, little one. I can't promise you a world that is peaceful, clean or just. But I can promise you that.

Okay. Now that I have gotten back on my feet, is there anything I can say to anyone around here to make them feel better or anything I can listen to?

[Blueswan]

Hello Sunshine,

I suggest you offer constructive comfort (I.e. Give an actual reason to feel better, mention something they can do, offer resources). Whatever you do, don't minimize this situation.

Offer to help others around you in whatever why you can. Taking action is often the kindest thing to do.

And if you see a small sample of bad/hateful speech or behavior, intervene, even if it's just to say 'X was totally not ok.'

Go high and stay safe.

[Blueswan]

Hello Sunshine,

I suggest you offer constructive comfort (I.e. Give an actual reason to feel better, mention something they can do, offer resources). Whatever you do, don't minimize this situation.

Offer to help others around you in whatever why you can. Taking action is often the kindest thing to do.

And if you see a small sample of bad/hateful speech or behavior, intervene, even if it's just to say 'X was totally not ok.'

Go high and stay safe.

[Jacob]

You may want to check out our new resource for teens on how to respond to the events of the the 2016 election but also good things to do in general:

Rebel Well: A Starter Survival Guide To A Trumped America

There's also our super relevant self-care piece:

Self-Care a la Carte

[Sunshine]

Thanks for posting those links! I read both "Rebel Well" and "Rebel Well wherever you are" and found both very helpful.