Weird Friendship has Left Me Confused

[nuttyelephant]

This year I joined the marching band, and it has been the greatest experience of my life. I became extremely close friends with one of the upperclassmen, which is great, except I am slightly confused about our friendship. I know we are nothing more than friends and I am completely okay with that, but for whatever reason he has taken a strong interest in me. I don't really mind, and it's been awesome to have a close friend like him. My problem, however, is that sometimes our conversations get quite flirtatious, and it doesn't really make me uncomfortable, it's just a little weird. However, now that the season is over and we spend less time together, I find myself missing spending time with him and craving that attention. Whenever I see him talking to someone else I get super jealous even though I have no reason to be. I kind of miss spending time with him so regularly, but my low self confidence makes it hard for me to initiate the conversation. It seems like now that we're drifting apart conversations have become more awkward and irregular, and even when we are both in the same room or in a small group, we no longer sit together and talk anymore. Do you have any advice for me??

[Sam W]

Hi Nuttyelephant,

It sounds like there are a few different things going on here. One is that some of what you're describing sounds like having a crush. If you've had one before, would you say how you're feeling about a friend matches some of the emotions you associate with having a crush? Or do they feel solidly in friendship area of emotions?

You mention having difficulty initiating conversation with him now. Something I'd offer to maybe counter the low self esteem voice in your head is that this person repeatedly initiated conversation and contact with you, meaning he likes talking with you and interacting with you. So striking up a conversation with him is, in all liklihood, something you would both enjoy. Does that make sense?

[nuttyelephant]

I wouldn't necessarily go as far as to say I have a crush on him, but mostly just that he is one of my close friends. There might be a little bit of further feelings than that, but none that I would ever want to act upon, mostly because I value our friendship so much.
I like what you said about considering how he initiated the friendship, so there shouldn't be a problem with me continuing it, but it just seems like we're drifting apart, and I don't really want that because of how much I value having him in my life.

[Sam W]

Would you feel comfortable initiating one hang-out and seeing how that goes? It may be that the two of you have different ideas about how much time you want to spend in the friendship, or he may not want to initiate because it feels weird to him. Too, if you are drifting apart, an explicit hang-out ask might help make that clear. Which could suck, but you would at least have more information about what's going on.