I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
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LonelyAndSad
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I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Hi, I kinda need some advice. I just got out of a rough relationship, my ex broke up with me only to get with the one they 'really loved'... And I have been very upset and alone. I happen to believe in soulmates, and just recently I had a dream where I asked out a friend of mine on a website where we hang out at, and she said yes. I just became friends with her about a week ago, yet we are almost like puzzle pieces. We both love horror movies and games, we share the same birthday, we are both amazing artists, and she lives in Austria and knows German and English, and I love the german language and have wanted to visit Austria for the longest time. Yet I'm 15 and she is 17 which isn't a very big age gap. Yet I'm nervous to ask her out, and I'm afraid how my parents will react if I get her as my girlfriend.... Any advice?
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Karyn
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Re: I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Welcome to the boards, LonelyAndSad.
Can you identify anything specific that's making you nervous about asking her out? For example, you're worried she might say no, or you're concerned about the practicalities of a long-distance relationship (since it sounds like you live in different countries)?
Too, when you say you're afraid of how your parents will react, is there a chance that your safety would be at risk?
Can you identify anything specific that's making you nervous about asking her out? For example, you're worried she might say no, or you're concerned about the practicalities of a long-distance relationship (since it sounds like you live in different countries)?
Too, when you say you're afraid of how your parents will react, is there a chance that your safety would be at risk?
"Where there is power, there is resistance." -Michel Foucault
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LonelyAndSad
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- Location: Dickson, TN
Re: I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Yes i am worried and her saying no to me, and I'm not worried about a long distance relationship since I've been in two long distance relationships before. I guess I'm also worried that it will end up like my last relationship...
And no my safety won't be at risk. It's just that my parents are very active Christians and are not accepting to anything lgbtq+. Because with me a girl (by birth anyways), we would be 'lesbians' and my parents would not be too happy.
And no my safety won't be at risk. It's just that my parents are very active Christians and are not accepting to anything lgbtq+. Because with me a girl (by birth anyways), we would be 'lesbians' and my parents would not be too happy.
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LonelyAndSad
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- Location: Dickson, TN
Re: I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Yes i am worried and her saying no to me, and I'm not worried about a long distance relationship since I've been in two long distance relationships before. I guess I'm also worried that it will end up like my last relationship...Karyn wrote:Welcome to the boards, LonelyAndSad.
Can you identify anything specific that's making you nervous about asking her out? For example, you're worried she might say no, or you're concerned about the practicalities of a long-distance relationship (since it sounds like you live in different countries)?
Too, when you say you're afraid of how your parents will react, is there a chance that your safety would be at risk?
And no my safety won't be at risk. It's just that my parents are very active Christians and are not accepting to anything lgbtq+. Because with me a girl (by birth anyways), we would be 'lesbians' and my parents would not be too happy.
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Karyn
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Re: I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Got it: thanks for clarifying.
So, the deal with asking anybody out, any time, is that 'no' is always a possibility, unfortunately. That's just the way life goes; we can never guarantee that people will respond the way we'd like them to. (I don't think hearing 'no' as an answer when you'd really much rather have a 'yes' is anybody's favourite thing!) Maybe it would help to think of it this way though: there is the possibility that she'll say no. But the other possibility is that she'll say yes, and you won't know for sure until you ask. Regardless of what she says, having an answer is often easier to deal with than wondering, and even if her response is "no thanks, I'd rather just be friends" you still get to have this awesome person in your life, in a friendship that already sounds pretty fantastic.
As for your worries that this could potentially turn out like your last relationship, that's an understandable thing to be concerned about! Just like hearing 'no', it's always possible that relationships won't last for the whole of our lives (in fact it's pretty unlikely that they will) or be exactly what we want them to be, but that doesn't meant they're not worth having at all. Even though your previous relationship ended badly, I'm guessing it wasn't 100% terrible 100% of the time, and a bad ending doesn't mean that the entire experience was a waste of time or that it shouldn't have happened at all, if that makes sense.
Per your parents' beliefs, is there a possibility that they would find out about this relationship somehow? (For instance, do they monitor your computer use in a way that would let them see any communication between you and your friend?)
So, the deal with asking anybody out, any time, is that 'no' is always a possibility, unfortunately. That's just the way life goes; we can never guarantee that people will respond the way we'd like them to. (I don't think hearing 'no' as an answer when you'd really much rather have a 'yes' is anybody's favourite thing!) Maybe it would help to think of it this way though: there is the possibility that she'll say no. But the other possibility is that she'll say yes, and you won't know for sure until you ask. Regardless of what she says, having an answer is often easier to deal with than wondering, and even if her response is "no thanks, I'd rather just be friends" you still get to have this awesome person in your life, in a friendship that already sounds pretty fantastic.
As for your worries that this could potentially turn out like your last relationship, that's an understandable thing to be concerned about! Just like hearing 'no', it's always possible that relationships won't last for the whole of our lives (in fact it's pretty unlikely that they will) or be exactly what we want them to be, but that doesn't meant they're not worth having at all. Even though your previous relationship ended badly, I'm guessing it wasn't 100% terrible 100% of the time, and a bad ending doesn't mean that the entire experience was a waste of time or that it shouldn't have happened at all, if that makes sense.
Per your parents' beliefs, is there a possibility that they would find out about this relationship somehow? (For instance, do they monitor your computer use in a way that would let them see any communication between you and your friend?)
"Where there is power, there is resistance." -Michel Foucault
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LonelyAndSad
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- Sexual identity: Sometimes a girl, sometimes a boy, or nothing.
- Location: Dickson, TN
Re: I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Yeah I guess she could say no but she could also say yes or even just friends, and that wouldn't be total rejection.Karyn wrote:Got it: thanks for clarifying.
So, the deal with asking anybody out, any time, is that 'no' is always a possibility, unfortunately. That's just the way life goes; we can never guarantee that people will respond the way we'd like them to. (I don't think hearing 'no' as an answer when you'd really much rather have a 'yes' is anybody's favourite thing!) Maybe it would help to think of it this way though: there is the possibility that she'll say no. But the other possibility is that she'll say yes, and you won't know for sure until you ask. Regardless of what she says, having an answer is often easier to deal with than wondering, and even if her response is "no thanks, I'd rather just be friends" you still get to have this awesome person in your life, in a friendship that already sounds pretty fantastic.
As for your worries that this could potentially turn out like your last relationship, that's an understandable thing to be concerned about! Just like hearing 'no', it's always possible that relationships won't last for the whole of our lives (in fact it's pretty unlikely that they will) or be exactly what we want them to be, but that doesn't meant they're not worth having at all. Even though your previous relationship ended badly, I'm guessing it wasn't 100% terrible 100% of the time, and a bad ending doesn't mean that the entire experience was a waste of time or that it shouldn't have happened at all, if that makes sense.
Per your parents' beliefs, is there a possibility that they would find out about this relationship somehow? (For instance, do they monitor your computer use in a way that would let them see any communication between you and your friend?)
No my parents do not monitor my phone, so the relationship wouldn't get found out unless I told them.
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Karyn
- previous staff/volunteer
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Re: I believe I met my soulmate, but I don't know how to tell them
Friends are pretty important too. 
It might help to keep in mind as well that just because someone says 'no' when you ask them out, it doesn't mean they're rejecting you as a person, or that they don't like you at all: it could be that they're just not interested in dating anyone right now, or that they don't want to do a long-distance thing, or a whole bunch of other reasons that may not have anything to do with you at all.
It might help to keep in mind as well that just because someone says 'no' when you ask them out, it doesn't mean they're rejecting you as a person, or that they don't like you at all: it could be that they're just not interested in dating anyone right now, or that they don't want to do a long-distance thing, or a whole bunch of other reasons that may not have anything to do with you at all."Where there is power, there is resistance." -Michel Foucault