sex @ 16

[ri19]

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of two years (known for 9 years) a couple of months ago after we discussed it and both decided we were ready. My parents know and his parents know (thats a whole other topic) but anyways, why are people so judgemental when they find out that we are so close with one another? When people find out that we share hotel rooms, spend the night at each others houses, and spend quite a lot of time together, they always judge and say "aren't you guys a bit young for that?" and i never know how to respond? I know some relationsips, no matter how close, dont always last, and you never know what could happen, but we are told by people who know us well that they see us getting married because we "arent like other teenage couples." and we "act like a married couple." We also made a promise to each other that even if something happens in the end we will still support each other. But anyways, how do i respond to people who judge what goes on in my relationship based on my age?

[Sam W]

Hi ri19,

I'm sorry you're running into so much judgement. It makes total sense that you'd be unsure how to respond, because when someone asks, "aren't you young for that" in this case it's less a question and more an opinion they're sharing in the form of a question. As for how you can respond, that depends a little on who's making the comment and the kind of relationship you have with them. For instance, with people who you don't know very well you may want to try a noncommittal answer followed by a subject change. If it's someone you know well and feel comfortable talking to, you could try a short, direct comment like "we made the choices that felt right to us/we felt ready for." It may also help to base your answer on how much of debate you feel like you want to get into at the time (including no debate at all) because this is a topic where people might try to turn your specific life experiences and choices into a bigger commentary on teenage sex and relationships, which can be tiring. Does that all make sense?

[Heather]

But anyways, how do i respond to people who judge what goes on in my relationship based on my age?

Can you say a little bit more about who these people are? Sam brought up the issue of who is saying this to you, and I think that matters a lot, as does how you're choosing who to share this with. Often we can't share details of our sexual or otherwise intimate lives with just anyone, because we'll want to be selective and do our best to choose people who will respond in understanding and supportive ways, rather than with judgment, which obviously doesn't benefit you or your life at all.