Am I gay

[Craig74]

Im 14 year old (boy) am I gay because I really want to see and touch another boy but don’t know how I would ask
Am I gay & how can I ask another boy

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, Craig.

Whether or not you want to identify as gay is a choice for you to make, not a thing for someone to assign you. In other words, it's for you to say if you're gay or not, if and when you want to, and to whom, not for us or anyone else to decide.

Some boys who like and want to touch boys do identify as gay, others -- usually because they don't just like boys -- as bisexual, others still as queer or questioning, others as straight.

In terms of how you'd ask another boy to let you touch him -- sexually, I presume -- that really depends on the context of your relationship and what you know or think that other person might be open to. Is there a specific boy you have in mind right now who you'd like to ask? If so, what's your relationship like with him? Do you think he's someone who might or could share your feelings, not just about other boys, but about you, specifically?

[Craig74]

The only person I have in mind is one of my friends who I have been friends with for about 7 years I don’t. I don’t have feelings for him or any boys
I just want see what it’s like

[Heather]

Okay, so it sounds like what you are at this point is curious. In other words, you're curious about what it might feel like to be sexual in some way with another boy. You don't know yet how you'd feel about that (though of course, how it feels to be sexual with one boy is not how it feels with all boys, just that one), and it's not something -- liking boys in a sexual or romantic way -- that feels like a big or real part of who you are yet.

That says to me that it's too soon for you to worry about terms for orientation. Right now, you're questioning, basically, and it sounds like you're probably just starting that process. So, I suggest you don't add any worry or concern about what to call yourself to your plate right now. It feels early for that for you, to me, based on what you're saying here.

This person who is one of your friends, do you think he might share your interest? Do you think that your friendship is the kind where some sexual experimenting, as it were, would be a right thing? A thing that would fit your friendship? Or do you have any concern that it might sour it, or make it difficult to stay friends, whether that's because your friend might react badly to being asked at all, or to things being awkward 9as they can be) after touching each other?

[Craig74]

Thanks for that I don’t know how he would react I am slightly concerned it could Ruin our friendship. I also have no idea what I would say to him about (experimenting) and I have no idea if he feels that he wants to
I just don’t know what to do

Sorry for asking so many questions in one paragraph

[Heather]

It's okay.

So, what it sounds like to me is that this is someone where you want to think about that more, and maybe just pay some attention to things that could clue you in more on if this is something he might want. You can listen to how he talks about gay or bisexual people, especially guys, if he ever does, for example (like, if it's super-negative, you can know it totally would not be a good idea to ask about this). You can pay attention to if he makes any kind of movement towards physical affection with you, in general, or if he seems to shy away from that (shying away or being resistant to do things like hug, or rub a shoulder would suggest this person doesn't want to touch you).

If it was me, I'd just take some more time, being more observant of this person and my own feelings and thoughts. What do you think?

[Craig74]

I was with him today and he was really negative about gay people but I still want to see another boys penis what should I do?

[Heather]

For starters, I'm really sorry that your friend was being that way. That's really disappointing. How do you feel about that and being friends?

Generally, most people don't show other people their genitals very casually, unless we're talking about what you might see when, for example, you're using a urinal with someone else, or are in a locker room (in which case out of respect for people's privacy, we really want NOT to be looking at their genitals). Obviously, you can see other penises on the internet, but it sounds like this is something you want in person. That probably isn't something someone is going to want to do with you in your life, and at your age, unless you already have a lot of intimacy. In other words, that's usually something that's going to happen well into an intimate relationship.

But sometimes it happens, amoung guys of all orientations, that boys hanging out together alone or in a group do show each their genitals or do some experimenting. Those kinds of situations don't happen every day, though, and usually occur amoung younger boys. But if something like that does come up, that's obviously a situation where you would be able to look outside a dating or otherwise intimate relationship with a peer.