Am I too late?

[an0maly]

Hey there,

I’m having a bit of a dilemma right now. You see, I’m a 20, going on 21 year old cis female and I didn’t get the HPV vaccine at the recommended age. I still haven’t had it to this day. I remember around age 13-14 or so when nurses started handing me packets at the end of my physicals. No explanation. Just packets full of information I didn’t understand. My mom didn’t explain much to me either, only that it was related to a shot I didn’t have to get if I didn’t want to right now and that she didn’t seem too keen on either. “It’s up to you” she would say, still no explaination, and having a huge fear of needles at the time of course I was gonna say no to a shot!

It wasn’t until later when I realized the shots had to do with sex. Again, I shrugged it off. All through middle/high school I was fully convinced I was ace and would never have sex in my life. Ever. I was so repulsed I even left the room during the sex education portions of health class. It wasn’t a religious thing or anything, just repulsion. My parents never gave me “the talk” and I still don’t know why. Any knowledge of sex I would get in the years to come I would get from the internet and peers.

Fast forward to today, and I’m definitely NOT ace. Still a virgin, but not ace. I’m not in any relationship and never have been, but I really want to be. The problem is, now that I finally know what HPV is and that it can cause cancer, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been royally screwed over, and that I screwed MYSELF over with my ignorance. I’m mad at myself for refusing information and/or being withheld information. I’m petrified of diseases and cancer and the idea that I could get one from something as simple as skin contact terrifies me. I know there’s protection, and I know that people 20 and over CAN get the HPV vaccine still but I also hear it’s not as effective. Also, it takes months. What if I enter a relationship in that time and both of us wanna be intimate but can’t in that time because of it? Ugh, I wish I’d let myself find websites like this in high school. I would’ve known so much more about the world AND myself...

[Alice O]

Hey anomaly,

Welcome to the boards

I'm gonna start by addressing some logistics of HPV vaccine. The HPV vaccine is covered by insurance for people up to age 26, so you are still very much in that age-group! For people over 15, this is the timing: You get 3 shots. The process needs to take at least 5 months. In addition, there needs to be at least one month between the first and second shots. And at least three months between the second and third shots. If the shots are interrupted, you do not need to re-start the series. Like say you got the first shot, and one month later got the second, but then stopped...two years from now you could get the third shot. For example, over a decade passed between my first and second shot! I got the first one in my early teen years--and then me (and my doctor? and my parents?) forgot about it and I didn't get the next two until I was in my mid-20s when a different healthcare provider noticed that!

How do you feel about calling your doctor to make an appointment to get this process started?

And if you do begin to date someone in the 5+ month period of getting the shots, and if you want to begin certain kinds of sexual activity with them, there are things you can do to protect yourself:
- Practice safer sex. Condoms reduce the risk of HPV by 70%, and reduce the risk of other STIs by much more. They are the only form of birth control that protects against STIs.
- Get pap smears which screen you for signs of cancer caused by high-risk types of HPV.
These are also things you will want to do no matter what, even if you get together with a partner after completing the vaccine!

Here's more info about HPV: The STI Files: Human Papillomavirus (HPV).

It sounds like the other thing that's going on here, separate from the logistics of HPV and the HPV vaccine, is you are feeling frustrated about not having the sexual health information you deserve made accessible to you! That makes a lot of sense. Do you want to talk more about that? Or would you like to talk more about your changing sexual orientation? Or your hopes for a relationship? Whatever would feel helpful to you!

[Heather]

Hello! Please BREATHE! I just saw Alice posted right when I did and gave you some great information. I'm going to go ahead and leave my post I was writing to you not knowing she was on it in case it's also useful to you.

Really, it's not too late. And really, months isn't a long time. For sure, the kinds of relationships can make themselves available where you might just want to leap headlong into all the sex straightaway, but tbh, that's probably not the best idea when it's all also 100% brand new (assuming it is). You don't need an excuse to take a little more time than that if and when someone does show up on the horizon, but who knows, maybe it'll help to have one.

Instead of beating yourself up about this -- and we can talk more about that if you want, which I think would probably be a good idea -- just make an appointment and get started with those vaccinations. We can deal with and talk about how to deal with a possible sexual partner showing up on the scene in the middle of that series if and when it happens, okay?

[an0maly]

Hi alice and Heather,

Thanks for the responses! My mind is a bit more at ease. It’s something I definetely want to bring up with my doctor in the near future. Still though, I wish more had been explained to me when I was younger so I’d have been better protected. My mom (I’m under her insurance and she would have to drive me to the doctor and stuff) is still really dismissive when that or anything related to me having a potential relationship is brought up. My theory is she just really doesn’t want me to grow up. Or maybe was scared of the side effects.

It sounds like the other thing that's going on here, separate from the logistics of HPV and the HPV vaccine, is you are feeling frustrated about not having the sexual health information you deserve made accessible to you! That makes a lot of sense. Do you want to talk more about that? Or would you like to talk more about your changing sexual orientation? Or your hopes for a relationship? Whatever would feel helpful to you!

Yeah...there was a lot to unpack there huh? I may have slipped some late night feelings into a simple question post. Real feelings, but I think I should save those for other posts or my therapist Thank you though! I appreciate it.

[Alice O]

Talking with your therapist about all this sounds like a great plan! Good luck