How do I help someone I lead on let go?
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TheGreenAngel
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How do I help someone I lead on let go?
So, there's this guy that I used to really like a lot, and he liked me. However, I'm not allowed to date, bit we've gone behind our parents' backs and done things like kissing and cuddling and all that couple stuff, but we never made things official. Now, I don't really feel the same way because another guy entered the picture, but he still does have feelings for me. I really don't want to break his heart, but I also don't know how to tell him that I don't want to be with him like that anymore. He's been my best friend for a while, and I don't want to lose that trust. He's liked me for a long time and I've lead him on for so long and told him that we would be able to date as soon as I was allowed to. I'm sorry if this is too long, but I'm just at a loss
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Heather
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Re: How do I help someone I lead on let go?
Welcome to the boards. 
You know, you're not responsible for someone else's feelings like this, and just because your feelings changed doesn't mean you "lead him on." You acted at the time in accordance with how you felt, then your feelings changed. That's okay. What you did before wasn't a contract -- you don't and never owed him anything -- it was an expression of feelings you just don't have anymore, and you can't control how you feel. Romantic feelings do tend to change over time, and when people are young, that can happen really fast and often.
I do anticipate that being honest with this person about this is probably going to result in them having hurt feelings and disappointment, and also may result in them wanting some space from you, at least for a little bit. They might not want to be your best friend for a while, and even though that is probably not what you want, I'm sure you can understand that being super close to someone you're nursing heartbreak for is just often too painful. I don't think there's anything you can do to avoid any of that. I think the best you can do is just to be honest in as kind a way as you can, and then respect what he wants after that as far as any time or space to manage his feelings.
You know, you're not responsible for someone else's feelings like this, and just because your feelings changed doesn't mean you "lead him on." You acted at the time in accordance with how you felt, then your feelings changed. That's okay. What you did before wasn't a contract -- you don't and never owed him anything -- it was an expression of feelings you just don't have anymore, and you can't control how you feel. Romantic feelings do tend to change over time, and when people are young, that can happen really fast and often.
I do anticipate that being honest with this person about this is probably going to result in them having hurt feelings and disappointment, and also may result in them wanting some space from you, at least for a little bit. They might not want to be your best friend for a while, and even though that is probably not what you want, I'm sure you can understand that being super close to someone you're nursing heartbreak for is just often too painful. I don't think there's anything you can do to avoid any of that. I think the best you can do is just to be honest in as kind a way as you can, and then respect what he wants after that as far as any time or space to manage his feelings.
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