I'm an 8th grade OWL teacher (Our Whole Lives), which is a comprehensive sex education program run through my local Unitarian Universalist church. The topic of our last workshop was Healthy Relationships, and I thought I'd share something that came up that was particularly meaningful.
In any type of relationship (romantic, platonic, familial, etc), being able to own up to your mistakes and move past them is essential. We're all human beings, and so in entering relationships with one and other, we should be able to be able to make and forgive each other's mistakes. But in order to do that, we have to include the three key components that are essential to any good apology.
1. Acknowledge that you made a mistake/hurt someone.
I totally messed up.
I made you feel like you weren't important.
I ate the last french fry.
I forgot to take the dog out.
I hurt your feelings by making that joke.
2. Say that you're sorry, and mean it.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I apologize.
3. Do what you can to make it right.
I will try to be more conscious about that in the future.
I won't say stuff like that in front of your mom.
I'll ask beforehand next time.
I'll set a reminder in my calendar.
Can I try to glue it back together?
Can I do anything to help?
What can I do to make it up to you?
What are qualities that you look for in an apology? What makes you feel like an apology is meaningful or not?
apologizing
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al
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apologizing
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. -Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully
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bikinksterboy
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Re: apologizing
as an admitted over-apologizer myself, I've found myself guilty of apologizing and then turning the apology into a sort of narrative itself, going into far too much detail to the point where the original sentiment is lost, or describing things in a way that can sometimes unintentionally end up being more like a rationalization than an apology, so those are things I try to avoid
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bikinksterboy
- not a newbie
- Posts: 282
- Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
- Age: 23
- Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him
- Sexual identity: bisexual
- Location: New York, New York
Re: apologizing
Something I'd say I look for in an apology is, depending on the circumstances, acknowledgement of what the person did or didn't do as opposed to the effect of the action. Unless the action itself could be good in a different context, saying things like "I'm sorry that offended you" seem more like the apology isn't really addressing the action itself