Your partner's politics

[Jacob]

Hey folks,

So something I'd be interested in hearing about is how much the political views of your partners influences your ability to date them.

In my experience even where every other form of compatibility works well, if we have differing political views, I probably can't carry on dating that person. It feels too weird, and I just feel like it breaks a certain level of connection with me. This is even true for casual partners.

I've also known people who have starkly differing views from their partners, and they seem to make it work somehow.

How does it factor for you guys? Is it something you think about when dating.

[Sam W]

Hmm, good question Jacob!

In my experience, there were certain political topics that really influenced my ability to be with a partner. LGBT rights and reproductive rights stand out as the big ones, because if a potential partner had vastly different views on them than I did, it likely meant they weren't going to be able to view me or the work I do in a positive light. Which means a relationship is just not going to be sustainable.

With my partner now, we tend to agree in our overall political views, with disagreements on the details (which is fine by me, since it'd be a little odd if we agreed on every single thing, every single time).

[thewrit3r]

Like Sam said, there are somw political views I can’t budge on - especially identity politics. I think it’s ridiculous that someone’s identity is politicized (being black, gay, female, or just a minority in general) so that’s not something I can compromise on (and like Sam said, they probably wouldn’t date me anyway if they had those prejudiced beliefs). If it’s not related to that, I think we could work different politics. If we understand where we’re coming from and are not on this high and mighty ego trip (lol I don’t know what else to call it) I think it could work out.

[bikinksterboy]

My partner and I generally share a lot of the same political views but we just come at it from different perspectives. Ethics are ultimately more important to me than the specifics of political belief, and my current partner very much agrees with me on moral and ethical matters. If you have a political belief that a group of people doesn't deserve to exist or be happy, or otherwise dehumanizes, condemns, or directly hurts people in such a way, then it's not a political difference for me. it's a moral objection.

[Heather]

THIS:

If you have a political belief that a group of people doesn't deserve to exist or be happy, or otherwise dehumanizes, condemns, or directly hurts people in such a way, then it's not a political difference for me. it's a moral objection.

. This nails it for me, bikinksterboy. That's a really clear way of putting that.

Differences in politics that are about things like if we should have the Electoral College or not, or caucuses or not or if you think that more of our taxes should go to education or more to healthcare? Those kinds of differences are not a big issue for me.

But "political" differences that involve withholding, removing or keeping rights from people, or involve the belief that it's okay to oppress or subjugate people in any way, but particularly based in simply who they are as people, like what gender, race, orientation or nationality they are? Yeah, no way. I can't be with someone like that, ever, and not just because those kinds of beliefs would often oppress or subjugate me or people I love personally, letting me know that relationship will be abusive from the front.

[millstreet]

I have found that I am okay with any magnitude of involvement/interest in politics as long as it's greater than 0 as I think it's important to do the bare minimum research and exercise your voting right. I am not extremely political but wouldn't mind a partner who is. As has already been said, when it comes to political preferences I am mostly indifferent except when it comes to human rights (essentially treating all humans as humans... Shouldn't be that much to ask for.) Other than that, if it's conservation efforts or financial decisions I would respect their opinion! My partner is not too involved in politics and willing to have a discussion on anything. I generally have a more positive view of elected officials and he sees them more as negative but it's not a huge influence on our relationship.