No sex drive?

[wellokaythen]

Okay, so the subject of this might be a bit misleading, but I have a problem.

First of all, I genuinely can't feel anything when masturbating or otherwise. I know my anatomy and I've looked into all I can, but it really feels like nothing no matter what I do, which is really frustrating. I know I get turned on and stuff, but I've never been able to masturbate or feel anything good at all.

The second problem is that I don't really think I like kissing people Like at all. I'm bisexual, so I've kissed both boys and girls and it feels the same for me. I'm not sure if maybe I'm just not doing it well and we're all inexperienced, but it's not fun or exciting or sexy or romantic or anything and the whole time I'm just waiting for it to end.

I know that these are probably pretty insignificant problems, but is there's anything I can do to fix this? I'm pretty sure I'm not asexual; I know that I'm attracted to people romantically and sexually.

thanks in advance lol

[Sam W]

Hi wellokaythen,

If you're literally unable to feel much, or any sensation (good or bad) in your genitals, then that would be something to talk with a healthcare provider about. But, if it's more that whenever you try to masturbate, touching them doesn't generate any pleasure, then that might be something we can help you dig into a bit more.

As for kissing, you may be right that some of i has to do with inexperience, or even with kissing people whose kissing style doesn't do it for you. It could also be that kissing just isn't something you enjoy. Kissing gets presented as something that everyone enjoys. But as with any kind of physical touch, the reality is that some people love it, some people don't, and some don't have strong feelings one way or the other. Does that make sense?

[wellokaythen]

Hi Sam,
I think you're right about the kissing. Maybe I just need to kiss someone that I actually like, haha.

I can feel sorta mild sensation in my vagina but no matter how I touch it, the sensation goes away basically right away. And then it feels like I'm touching basically any other body part. Is there something medically wrong with me? I have no idea how I'd even bring this up to my doctor.

[Sam W]

I would say that kissing someone you actually like plays a big role in whether or not it feels good! When you've kissed people in the past, have they been people you were excited to kiss?

Okay, I mostly wanted to check to make sure you weren't experiencing zero sensation in your genitals, since that could point to an underlying health issue. But if it feels more like you're touching any body part, then it may be that you haven't found a way of masturbating that feels good just yet. Can you give me a sense of how much you've experimented with different masturbation techniques? And when you're masturbating, is brain engaged in what's going on? Or is it off thinking about other things?

[wellokaythen]

Now that I think about it, I often have little to no sensation at all in my clitoris OR vagina. Even when I touch it I feel barely anything. If pleasurable at all. IThis sounds so stupid, but I used to literally hump a pole when I was a kid before I knew what that meant. That means I must have felt something at some point, but any direct contact with my clit and I can't feel anything at all. If I did have an underlying health issue, what would that be? Am I messed up? Will I ever be able to enjoy sex? Is there anything I can do to fix it? I'm still a virgin, but it freaks me out that I might never be able to enjoy sex.

If I did have a problem is it with my brain or my body?

[Sam W]

I promise that you're not messed up. It's more that sexual pleasure is influenced by multiple things, so sussing out which ones are at play here may take some trial and error. It might be easiest to start with something we know is often a factor in folks not feeling much during masturbation: that interaction between the brain (our biggest sexual organ) and the body. If we aren't mentally aroused, or our brains aren't engaged in what's going on, masturbation is unlikely to feel like much. When you masturbate, is your brain pretty engaged? Or is it off thinking about other things?

Have you ever visited a gynecologist and talked with them about this? If you haven't, it might help just because you'd have someone who you can talk to about your concerns who can also examine you in real time.