quite ominous title, sorry.
last night a few close friends of mine and i decided to have some fun sexting. it was nice and we all had fun, and i was even told i was very good at dirty talking which was an ego boost haha. but after it was over i really didn't feel anything special about it. it just took a shower and went to bed. and now this morning i still feel really apathetic about the whole thing. this is the first time ive engaged with anyone sexually, shouldn't i feel more strongly? i have trouble feeling emotions very strongly so it makes sense but something about this situation makes it feel out of place. it doesn't feel like i did anything special. i just talked with my friends in a way i haven't before. i don't think i regret it - im not sure i would do it again, but it's not like im upset with myself for doing it. i thought it was fun! so why do i feel so numb about it?
should i be happy?
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electricswitch
- not a newbie
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- Age: 20
- Pronouns: he/him
- Sexual identity: gay
- Location: united states
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
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- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
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Re: should i be happy?
Hi Electricswitch,
If you notice you don't often feel strong emotions, then that pattern may be playing a role here as well. With that pattern, is it all emotions that come through as very mild to you, or only positive ones?
Too, there's no one, specific way you "should" feel about this sexual activity (or any other). People tend to treat sexual things as always involving monumental emotions, and sometimes they do. But there can also be times when they leave us feeling pretty "meh." Even sexual things we enjoy in the moment may not have any lasting emotional effect on us, so there's nothing inherently bad or off about the way you feel about this.
If you notice you don't often feel strong emotions, then that pattern may be playing a role here as well. With that pattern, is it all emotions that come through as very mild to you, or only positive ones?
Too, there's no one, specific way you "should" feel about this sexual activity (or any other). People tend to treat sexual things as always involving monumental emotions, and sometimes they do. But there can also be times when they leave us feeling pretty "meh." Even sexual things we enjoy in the moment may not have any lasting emotional effect on us, so there's nothing inherently bad or off about the way you feel about this.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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electricswitch
- not a newbie
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2021 8:27 am
- Age: 20
- Pronouns: he/him
- Sexual identity: gay
- Location: united states
Re: should i be happy?
hey sam!
yeah, most of my emotions are kind of dulled. i forgot the word for it but it has been a pattern for me. for some reason i keep expecting myself to find some kind of breakthrough in the pattern, which is probably really unhealthy for me.
yeah, most of my emotions are kind of dulled. i forgot the word for it but it has been a pattern for me. for some reason i keep expecting myself to find some kind of breakthrough in the pattern, which is probably really unhealthy for me.
-
Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: should i be happy?
Have you ever spoken to someone about this pattern? That could be a healthcare provider or someone like a parent or other person you trust/look up to. Too, do you tend to feel very strong emotions in the moment and not afterwards, or is it very dull even when you're in the midst of something want to--or do, to some extent--enjoy?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.