Exploring myself?

[11dmele]

Hi. I am 16 and I guess I was too naive until a few months ago... I don't know if I am curious or I am getting crazy but I kinda feel I want to know more about myself, my body and so...

However, I am horribly shy and insecure. I feel overwhelmed when I think about "exploring" myself even though I really want. It seems such a childish problem, but I am starting to be desperate about it, and I don't know what to do... I can't move from the starting line because I am not confident at all, and I overthink a lot... I am not brave, not strong to move forward... and I feel lost.

It is so embarrassing... but I think I need some kind of reassurance about this or idk...
I appreciate any advice. Thanks a lot.

[Carly]

Hey elemd11 -- welcome to the boards! What you're feeling is very common, even if it might not feel that way a lot. I think our resource Why Does Masturbation Feel Weird? will resonate a lot with you, as it's all about the awkwardness of exploring new territory with yourself. I also think Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation will be very helpful because it give some tips on figuring out what feels right for you.

I'm picking up on a lot of anxiety in your post. What do you feel like you're overthinking specifically? What about masturbating feels the most overwhelming?

[11dmele]

I don't know... everything I guess?

Thanks... I don't know... I just overthink a lot...

[Nicole]

Hi elemd11,

Welcome to the boards! I totally understand where you're coming from. I want to see if we can identify some specifics as this topic can certainly be quite overwhelming. I would start by looking over the articles that Carly sent and taking note of what stands out to you. I really think those articles can help ease your worries a bit. Do you think you can do that?

[11dmele]

I guess I am scared of what to find? I don't really know... It makes me nervous, I block and I can't go ahead... if that makes sense...

I read the articles... and I agree, I understand, but still I don't feel brave... I feel nervous also reading the articles...

I just think this is not for me... I can't find any other explanation...

[Sam W]

Hi elemd11,

It's okay if you don't feel ready to masturbate just yet; there's no timeline for when you "should" do that, and doing it from a place of putting pressure on yourself tends to take a lot of the pleasure out of it.

As for why you might be feeling this way, can you say a little about the messages you've gotten about sex or masturbation as you've been growing up?

I also wonder, would you feel more comfortable if you just took some time to get familiar with the anatomy you have down there? For some people, anxiety around masturbation comes from feeling like they have no familiarity with their own bodies.

[11dmele]

It's okay if you don't feel ready to masturbate just yet; there's no timeline for when you "should" do that, and doing it from a place of putting pressure on yourself tends to take a lot of the pleasure out of it.

If the thing is about being ready... then I guess I will never be ready... just because I am not brave... cuz I don't think I have any other reason...

As for why you might be feeling this way, can you say a little about the messages you've gotten about sex or masturbation as you've been growing up?

Messages... very little I'd say... and actually I ignored them tbh. I was/I am too childish, too naive and now I am extremely shy, insecure, confused...

I also wonder, would you feel more comfortable if you just took some time to get familiar with the anatomy you have down there? For some people, anxiety around masturbation comes from feeling like they have no familiarity with their own bodies.

Well... I am not really familiar, you are right. But that's the whole problem... I feel nervous about all these things...

[Sam W]

Okay, I think it might be helpful to dig into those feelings a bit. When you feel those nerves or that fear about anything related to masturbation or your genitals, does it feel like you're afraid of something specific happening? Or that you somehow won't do things the "right" way? Something else? If you've been getting your period, how does dealing with that feel to you?

[11dmele]

About doing it the "right" way... Totally a reason!
The unexpected, the what could happen... I don't know... I guess this type of things...

And I am extremely shy, and that also involves myself a bit... if that makes sense...
It's a huge challenge to get closer to my body... Just bc I never cared in the past and now, to face this problem is a nightmare to me because of my fears in general...

About the period... I can't even think that would happen...at least not the first time gawd!

I think I may try to use the live chat when it's opened and maybe somebody can help me figure out what to do...

[Carly]

Hey elemd11 -- I'm checking in on your thread and I just wanted to say that I actually think you are very brave. You made an account on our site, you reached out about a sensitive problem you're facing, you tried to read some resources, and you're continuing to talk about it. This is what brave people do.

I'm going to return to something Sam asked: what are you specifically worried about happening? You responded saying the unexpected or what could happen. Can you give a few more details about what your worries are?

[11dmele]

tbh I don't know what I am saying/doing here... I feel a bit out-of-place...
Like a lil girl in an adult course? :S
I came here cuz I thought that if I want to try this, I needed to ask for some advice...
It's embarrassing, but I am totally lost.

I think I don't have an actual reason but at the end it's always the same...
So let's say I want to try...
At the very beginning, even before I have time to think, I start to feel very nervous and I mentally block myself completely.

It is not that I am scared of this or that. Or maybe I am worried about the unexpected in general?
I don't know why but I can't start: I get nervous and overwhelmed and I can't react...
And then I am totally confused about what to do, what/why I am doing...
And then the frustration, the overthinking...

Maybe I am wrong...
I think my shyness (in general) makes me nervous about getting closer to my body...
Also not being a brave/strong person, that doesn't help me to face this...

Sorry I am not sure if it makes sense. It am nervous when I write the post... That's how I am
btw thank you all for your help, you are awesome!

[Carly]

Hey again elemd11 -- you're not out of place, actually. Our services are for adolescents and young adults, and 16 is right in the appropriate age range. This also means you're in an appropriate age range for these kinds of worries, so there's no need to be embarrassed.

I understand struggle to describe what you're worried about. Have you ever talking to a therapist about having a lot of anxiety in a general sense?

Also, I wanted to check in about what you meant when you said about "the period." Do you mean a menstrual period? Do you have questions about that?

[11dmele]

Hey again elemd11 -- you're not out of place, actually. Our services are for adolescents and young adults, and 16 is right in the appropriate age range. This also means you're in an appropriate age range for these kinds of worries, so there's no need to be embarrassed.

You are right, but I can be confused because, stupid me, I overthink a lot... I can think I am too young for these things or that those things are not right to do... Other times I think that I should have cared more about my body and tried younger. Other times, I say I should not do this, but then I feel frustrated because I know it's just because I am not brave. Other times I just want to try but then I block at the very beginning and then I regret trying or I regret not succeeding. Me and my brain...

I understand struggle to describe what you're worried about. Have you ever talking to a therapist about having a lot of anxiety in a general sense?

To be honest, I had social anxiety issues when I was younger but I am much better now. However, what I think it should be the easy part, which is my own relation with my body, that's something I never thought about until a year ago more or less... I don't know if it was just curiosity or what, but at that moment, I noticed that I struggle to get closer to my body.

I did not worry too much because I thought I could handle it, but now I see that I can't take the step and move forward, and I do feel anxious about that. I am not that struggled in a "general sense" as I used to be... but actually it is starting to affect me in general because it is frustrating me a lot...

So I'd say my biggest problem right now is to find a way to face this issue and take decisions (and be brave if so)... and also deciding if I should face it or not

Also, I wanted to check in about what you meant when you said about "the period." Do you mean a menstrual period? Do you have questions about that?

omg!! Sorry, my bad!! I misread the previous comment mentioning that, and my answer does not make any sense. After a few years, I don't think I have any question about that

Thanks for asking and for all your help!

[11dmele]

I think I may try to use the live chat when it's opened and maybe somebody can help me figure out what to do...

Sorry to ask... Is it ok to use the chat when it's opened to talk about my issue? Sorry if it's not appropriate... I don't want to make a mistake...

[Heather]

It's absolutely fine to do that! And if in chat someone ever does ask or talk about something that's outside our abilities or boundaries, we'll just let them know, no big deal.

[11dmele]

Hi. Sorry to bother... I don't know if there is a girl or somebody that I could chat or message now about this... I feel overwhelmed. Sorry about this if it's not ok. Thanks.

[Carly]

Hey elemd11 -- I'm sorry no one was online when you added this to your thread. Is there something you want to talk about now? I'm not sure when you'll see this so I can't guarantee someone will be able to respond quickly. If you add your questions to your thread, someone will be able to get to them ASAP. Have any of the resources we posted helped?

[11dmele]

Hi. Sorry I overthink a lot and I was overwhelmed... I read those articles but I am still stuck, nervous and confused in general. I don't think there is anything I can do. Thanks.

[Michaela]

Hi elemd11,

It is totally normal to be a little nervous and confused learning about something completely new to you and that is the whole reason we are here and this site was made-- to support people like you. If you feel like this is not the right time for you to start experimenting with your body that is also totally fine, you are not on any timeline of when you need to do what. However, if you would like to keep exploring some of these fears and learn more about your body we are here to help you.

Our live chat will be open later today (2 pm PST) if you would still like to talk to someone through that more private platform. But, if you are comfortable and want to keep discussing this here it would be helpful if you could share what in the articles you found confusing so that we can help to explain it more or in a different way.