Afraid that I don't have a lot of experience with sex.

[staplesj_]

Recently, i've been thinking about sex and sexuality and being a virgin in my mid 20's ( male 25 ) is hard. I have been having thoughts that women don't like guys that are virgins and don't have a lot of experience. My biggest fear is that the girl i decide to have sex with will fake it to make me feel better.

Being a adult virgin is already looked down upon. I honestly want good sexual experiences. I'm working out of my religion because religion made me feel bad about sex and my desires. I want to experience sex in a safe way without the shame.

Any advice is so needed.

Thanks : )

[Sam W]

Hi staplesj_,

I think a helpful starting place with the worries about virginity is to remember that "women" is such a huge category that generalizing about what women do and do not like when it comes to sex is a pretty useless exercise. Are there some women who will be weird about or not want a partner who hasn't had sex before? Yes. But there are probably far more women who don't have very strong feelings on the matter.

You're right that socially people can be weird about people being virgins in their twenties. This is in and of itself kind of ridiculous, because plenty of people reach their mid twenties without much, if any, sexual experience. I really, really like this article as a starting place for reframing that situation and learning to be comfortable with not having a lot of experience: Embracing Newbiehood: How to Approach Dating and Sex in Your 20s with Little or No Experience.

Something I really like in that article is the highlighting of the fact that experience matters far, far less than being communicative, respectful, and open with a partner.