the reason why i can't have sex is because i'm currently out of town, so if i had an s/o i couldn't have sex with them and hooking up is not an option logistically either. and there are an entire host of reasons why masturbation is just not feasible either. i know that it's possible to masturbate on your period and plenty of people do, but for me it's extremely difficult:
- i know period blood isn't any different chemically from blood elsewhere in the body, but i'm repulsed by blood in general
- i've mentioned in a different post i very likely have vaginismus, which means that i'm basically forced to use pads*
- the physical sensation of masturbating on my period is like sticking my fingers in entrails
- my periods are very heavy and tend to have large chunks of clots/endometrial tissue
so i can't use my fingers, but what about a vibrator? luckily the one i have currently is silicone, waterproof, and easy to clean. but there are more issues
as i said, my periods are very heavy so putting down a towel will probably mean that towel is going to have a huge stain on it. the other reason requires explaining how i usually masturbate:
the usual way i masturbate with a vibrator is by putting it near my clit, squeezing my legs together and grinding while laying down (the details of how this works would require going into my specific anatomy and this post is too tmi as is) and manually usually involves a mix of rubbing and grinding.
this is the ONLY consistent way i've been able to get off. no other position i've tried works. but i can't do this on my period. i've tried masturbating other ways or in other locations (shower/bathtub) with varying results. not only that, but the physical presence of period blood makes it harder to get off because for some reason it dulls the sensation.
all of this together makes it basically impossible to get off. it doesn't help that my period makes me emotionally feel horrible (as it does) and physically uncomfortable, and not being able to satisfy sexual urges just makes it that much worse. to make matters even worse, i've basically been having a months-long mental breakdown starting in january that didn't lessen in severity until june and has been on the decline again as of late, and my period started yesterday. on the day i had to attend a funeral and then subsequent events surrounded by relatives who i feel alienated from, in addition to the fact that i'm already very neurodivergent and quite possibly autistic. the entire day i felt like my insides were being ground up in a meat grinder and just barely avoided a breakdown.
this is all to say my mental fortitude has been worn down to barely even a nub to the point where talking to or even being around friends is too taxing for me. not being able to do something as (relatively) simple like masturbating which also serves as a way of relieving stress is making me feel worse, as well as the reminders that my body apparently doesn't work the way it does for everyone else. i don't know how everyone else does it.
*i know period panties exist but i don't have any pairs and they're kind of pricey