My dad out of the blue aggresively cares about what i wear.

If it doesn't seem to fit anywhere else, this is probably the place for it.
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:31 pm
Age: 13
Awesomeness Quotient: sense of humor
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: heterosexual
Location: Los Angeles, California

My dad out of the blue aggresively cares about what i wear.

Unread post by nemo101 »

The other day, I dressed in some flare leggings and a small (not too small) fitted yellow shirt. Mind you, no skin was showing when I walked out of my room. Sometimes I tie my shirt at the back, but it is barely noticeable when I have a jacket on, and I usually do wear a jacket.
This time, when I walk out of my room to go eat breakfast, my dad enters the room as I am stretching, and my stomach shows. My dad walked in and seemed horrified, and got agitated quick, and was dictating-dad-splaining about how I shouldn't wear that.
I got offended because it was an outburst of yelling.When I stretched the back of my shirt hiked up almost to my bra line, and I get if it was normally like that, but it wasn't and I could have just pulled it down.
When I got home, my room was an absolute mess. My clothes were strewn all over the place and half of my wardrobe was gone, and I didn't realize it until the next day.
That next day, I was going to wear shorts and a t-shirt, but then I see all my shorts are gone, as well as most of my fitted tops, and anything that shows any skin. I don't dress particularly slutty, and I don't wear things to attract guys, I do it to be confident.
I then ask my dad where all my clothes went because he had made the mess of my room. Then he comes into my room all mad saying that he "was not going to put up with me wearing shirts that basically go up to here." And he lifted up his shirt to right below his nipples. I do not wear shirts like that.
He proceeded to tell me that even the shorts I wear are "innapropriate."
He told me the flare leggings I wear are trashy, and only normal leggings are okay. Only jeans with no rips are okay. Only cargo pants are okay.
He took all those clothes that he deemed innapropriate.
Here are examples on what he deemed innapropriate: ... d+leggings ... pped-jeans

Now, for the past couple days, I feel terrible about myself, feel like I can't express myself in the ways I want to, and I am fuming, but I am scared to confront him. My mom tells him everything, and I feel like I can't trust anyone in my household.

Am I the one in the wrong? Can I get advice on what I can do?
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 510
Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 6:13 am
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Queer
Location: India

Re: My dad out of the blue aggresively cares about what i wear.

Unread post by Latha »

Hi Nemo101, welcome to the boards

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! You're not in the wrong- your father's behavior was controlling and disrespectful. It seems like he is somehow getting offended by the appearance of normal body parts, like a back or a knee.

Your father may have different aesthetic preferences than you when it comes to clothes. That happens often enough, especially when there is a generation gap. Instead of accepting that difference or discussing any concerns he had with you, your father decided to shout at you, make a mess of your room, and throw away your clothes. If anything, that is inappropriate behavior. Honestly, your father's reaction wouldn't be okay even if you did want to look attractive to boys. Feeling romantic and sexual interest is a normal part of many people's lives.

I understand why you'd be scared to confront him. I'm wondering, is this how your father usually responds when you have disagreements? Have you gotten him to empathize with your perspective before?
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic