I just realized I was sexually assaulted by a doctor. I don’t want to report her. What can I do?

[Jay27]

I don’t want to go into detail with this, but I recently realized that an experience I had at the doctor last year could be considered sexual abuse. It was at my campus health center and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t work there anymore. The nurse who was supervising and didn’t do anything is still the health center director. I don’t remember the doctor’s name or details about her appearance and I don’t want to go through an investigation because it sounds stressful. I want to move on. I have a therapist who I’ve talked to about it but I want more support. What can I do?

[Latha]

Hi Jay27,

I'm sorry that happened! You would be justified in making a complaint against this doctor, but I understand why you would prefer not to.

If you're looking for more support, I can think of a few options. You could seek a different kind of therapy — for example, somatic therapy or group therapy instead of individual talk therapy. If you're experiencing physical effects like pelvic pain, you could meet with a pelvic health PT (we have a series on the physical effects of sexual trauma that goes into detail on that option). We can give you advice on discussing this with people close to you, if you want their support. We can also provide references for workbooks and guides that you can look through on your own time.

How do these options sound to you?

[Jay27]

I might go to group therapy but I’m not going to pelvic PT. I’ve been doing exercises and using dilators on my own and making a lot of progress. Pelvic PT would trigger me too much

[KierC]

Hey there Jay,

I’m so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I’m glad at least the doctor doesn’t work there anymore, and that you are processing this with your therapist as well, but I hear you that you’re seeking more support. I do have a few ideas, I’ll list them here and see if anything sounds helpful to you. How does that sound?

1. I understand and fully respect your desire not to report the doctor. With regard to the nurse who didn’t stop what happened, would you like help making sure you don’t have to see that nurse again? I do know from being in a similar situation that, if you don’t want to report the doctor/nurse/anyone but don’t want to see them again, you can in some circumstances call the receptionist (making sure they’re not that nurse by asking their name), and tell them to make a note in your file that you do not want to be treated by this nurse again. If they ask why, tell them that you don’t want to disclose but you do not want them treating you. It’s ok to be firm in your boundaries and just repeat that phrase to them, nobody should require proof or anything for you to choose your care team.
2. It sounds like pelvic PT is a no-go right now, and that’s perfectly okay. Continuing with those exercises when you feel comfortable sounds like a great idea, and just remember it’s okay if your progress gets difficult on some days. You endured something serious here, and it’s understandable if you end up feeling that in your body.

In addition to those, is there some form of support you’d like to know more about, or anything we didn’t mention that you need support with? I guess that question could start with, how are you feeling about all of this right now?

[Jay27]

The nurse who didn’t intervene is the health center director and she’s almost always at the front desk if she’s not with a patient. Sometimes there’s no one else available. I could probably ask to see someone else, though. My therapist and my partner both think I should go to the urgent care 1 mile away instead of the college health center because I don’t have any serious trauma from the urgent care. I don’t have a car but there’s a bus.

[KierC]

Hi Jay,

I’m glad you and your therapist are discussing alternative ways to get to the doctor! I agree with avoiding the space where the nurse who let that happen is in charge: that’s a very sound step for not only your safety going forward, but also your healing. It’s important always, but especially after a medical-related trauma, to have full agency over who you seek care from and how they treat you. If you need any more support or information on this, we’re here to help!