Doubts over pre ejaculate on hands

[Sandrah]

Hi, in this article https://www.scarleteen.com/read/feeling ... nk-you-are it says that there's absolutely no risk of pregnancy with manual sex even if there's definitely pre ejaculate fluids on someone's hand but I've been reading or hearing that that is still possible... Could you elaborate on that? That has been bugging me a lot lately and causing anxiety.

[Sandrah]

What I'm understanding despite my doubts, If all I received was fingering and I never had penetrative sex or any kind direct contact between naked genitals I would have absolutely 0 chance of pregnancy even if there was pre ejaculate or ejaculate on those fingers (I'm mainly worried about pre ejaculate as there was no ejaculation on the hands but he used his hands to adjust his penis). Sorry in advance if my question seems stupid or exaggerated but I need to be sure that I'm 100% safe because what's adding to my worries is that I was near the time of ovulation and if that changes anything.

[Latha]

Hi Sandrah,

I'm sorry this has been making you feel so anxious! This question isn't stupid, and your understanding is correct. There is a zero percent chance of pregnancy in this situation. This is especially so with pre-ejaculate — when it does contain sperm, it is still has very little, and they just won't survive being transferred so many times. Being close to ovulation doesn't change anything.

[Sandrah]

Thank you for the reply, I'll try to keep my kind at peace and convince myself I'll be just fine

[Sandrah]

I just wanted to know why other sources say that there still a slight chance of pregnancy, it's not that I think this site is unreliable but that's just fueling my doubts and insecurities

[HannahP]

Hi Sandrah!

It's hard to say why other sources might have different information from us. Some places on the internet might be working with outdated information or even misinformation, either accidentally or on purpose. Some places might feel obligated to err on the side of caution due to legal liability issues — so if there was even a theoretical chance that something could lead to pregnancy, they would say it's possible.

When we say here that fingering has no risk of pregnancy, we're basing that off of several solid facts about how sperm works, which you can read more about in this article: Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells? . Sperm cells are delicate and don't survive being transferred from surface to surface well. They need to be kept at body temperature in order to survive. What's more, if you read our article about reproduction, Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide, you'll see that even when a penis ejaculates semen directly into a vagina, most of those sperm cells won't actually reach the egg at all. So that makes the chances of a small number of sperm cells surviving the transfer of penis to hand (an inhospitable environment for them) to vagina AND THEN actually getting all the way up to the fallopian tubes practically zero, whether or not that person's body has all the conditions necessary for becoming pregnant.

Does that help?

[Sandrah]

So I can be 100% sure nothing will happen and I don't have to take any emergency contraception, that would just be unnecessary?

[HannahP]

That's right! You are completely okay.

[Sandrah]

Thank you so much for the reassurance and your patience

[Sandrah]

Hi, sorry if this comes off as reassurance seeking but even tho I have some trouble calming my anxieties this is more out of curiosity. I've been reading other stuff about pre ejaculate and I'm understanding that it poses a pregnancy risk only when it's deposited in the vagina because of the little amount it has? And I was wondering that even if some live sperm were to enter the vaginal canal through fingering they wouldn't be able to survive? I just don't understand fully why fingering with precum wouldn't pose a risk if that fluid can still contain sperm. Sorry again if this comes off as insistent

[Sandrah]

Also, I've seen on Planned Parenthood for example (which I think is a reliable source) that manual sex could pose a small pregnancy risk. But then they also link to here and you say that it doesn't at all... Contradictory info like this is also what is causing my confusion and doubts

[Anya]

Hi Sandrah,

I'm sorry you're experiencing such anxiety around this. Hannah is correct in saying that in your situation, with precum on someone's hand from adjusting their penis and then fingering you, there is a pretty much 0% chance of risk of pregnancy. In this situation, taking Plan B is unnecessary. What I think the Planned Parenthood website is speaking to with its low-risk rank on manual sex, is the vast number of small differences in the way everybody has sex. What might be considered fingering for one person, stimulating the external clitoris, doesn't pose any risk of pregnancy if precum or even ejaculate is, in small quantities, on the hands. What someone else might call fingering, manual penetration, with (for some reason) large quantities of fresh ejaculate on the hands would pose a moderate risk of pregnancy. Every situation is different, and in your case, the risk is essentially 0%, but that is not to say every manual sex experience is 0% risk. Do you have any more questions?

[Sandrah]

I understand I don't think bothering you with more questions would help, I think just have to manage my anxiety around this and convince my brain I'll be fine, thank you

[HannahP]

Hi Sandrah! I'm sorry you're still experiencing so much anxiety about this. Would you like to talk more about how to manage your anxiety around sex? We could try and dig into what might be triggering your anxiety or brainstorm actions you can take so that you feel more comfortable in the future.

[Sandrah]

I would really appreciate that, I've been struggling a lot recently

[KierC]

Hey there Sandrah,

I hope it’s ok I’m popping in here. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling a lot with anxiety, and that it’s been popping up with pregnancy fears specifically. Anxiety is one of those sneaky things that can latch onto concrete aspects of life, like sex and pregnancy risk — it’s also just not a comfortable feeling to experience at all, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone, and we’re happy to talk with you more about what you might be able to do to feel less anxious.

I want to link to this article first, as the last section has some really helpful language about how to address anxiety with pregnancy scares when you’re not pregnant, but still anxious: Pregnancy Scared.

Something I really like about that article, and I feel is relevant to you and how you’re feeling right now, is that it emphasizes the importance of talking with people you trust when you’re feeling anxious. Talking it out can help you see what lingering feelings are attached to the anxiety, and can sometimes illuminate if there’s any additional steps you can take to ease your anxiety. For example, if you realize you’re feeling anxious more generally and it’s impacting your life, that’s something professional counseling could help. In a similar way, if you realize you need more control over pregnancy risk, accessing birth control or taking a break from activities that cause pregnancy anxiety for you may be a helpful step in easing anxiety.

With that in mind, do you want to talk a bit about how you feel when you’re having anxiety about this, and what sort of thoughts/concerns come to mind? Too, would you say you’re more anxious about pregnancy specifically, or is anxiety something you struggle with in other aspects of life as well?

[Sandrah]

Thank you, you can't imagine how grateful I am to have found this place. Unfortunately anxiety is something I struggled with for pretty much all my life but now since I got in this relationship where things are getting more intimate this anxiety latched on sex, specifically the pregnancy risk. While I think I know pretty well how conception works and I'm well informed about contraceptives, my mind always wanders to the "what ifs" and possible negative scenarios and I'm always scared. Finally I found someone who I'm really comfortable with and he treats me very well but anxiety just won't let go and I don't want to burden him with this. I'm already talking with a therapist and it's been somewhat helpful even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable talking about the specific things that scare me so much. It's being a difficult and painful process. It's now 3 cycles that my brain just wants me to wait for the next period to confirm I'm not pregnant and that's just not a sustainable thing to go through everyday. I know I'm not obligated to do anything that makes me feel unsafe but at this point it's just the thought of pregnancy as a possibility that makes me feel awful.

[KierC]

Hi Sandrah,

I am glad you feel comfortable talking about this here! We are glad to be able to help.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with anxiety more generally. The “what ifs” of pregnancy risk can be scary when they pop up, and distressing when they become a more constant anxiety. It sounds like you have a bright spot in your partner who treats you well, but that you don’t want to burden him. I do think there’s a way to let him in on some of these feelings you’re having without putting him in a position to problem-solve. Bringing up these anxieties with him makes sense; letting him know that some of these activities bring up pregnancy anxiety can allow you to make decisions together about what sexual activities you do or don’t do based on your comfort level. Do you feel like you’d want to talk to him about some of this?

I’m glad to hear that you’ve been working with a therapist, as I think that’s a great place to get to the root of this anxiety; therapy is an excellent place to learn strategies to calm yourself in times of more intense anxiety. But I hear you that it’s been hard for you to talk about some of this. Can you say a little more about your hesitation to tell your therapist? Are there certain parts that are harder to talk about?

Something I want to ask, too; I apologize if it’s already been asked! Are you interested in exploring birth control options as a way to feel some more control over pregnancy risk? It is absolutely your choice, but wanted to ask if that’s something you are interested in learning more about.

[Sandrah]

I think the main reason that I feel uncomfortable talking about sex related fears is that growing up I always needed to figure out things by myself and I never received any proper direct sex education, there was never any conversation about these things with my parents or with anyone that weren't friends with the same level of experience as me. Considering birth control options would great but as I still live with my parents and I'm not financially independent yet It's been difficult getting to consult a doctor about this, other than condoms that I could just buy of course, yet I wouldn't feel as sicure as by backing them up with another method...

[Andy]

Hi Sandrah!

I’m sorry you didn't have the education you needed when growing up and I understand how that can make conversations about sex feel daunting. But I think you are doing a great job talking about this with us!

As for birth control, if I’m understanding it right, in Italy you will need to get a doctor’s prescription for most forms of birth control apart from condoms. If you need help navigating how to access that kind of care, let us know.

I think the instinct that you would feel safer combining two methods is a good one, it’s what we recommend our users to do anyway! So here’s our amazing resource on birth control methods, that you can click through and choose what would be the best for you by answering a few basic questions: Birth Control Bingo
And if you need any clarification or new questions arise during reading through it, we will be happy to answer them!

[Sandrah]

Yes, where I live you need a prescription to get hormonal birth control and where I stand now with my anxiety just the thought that no birth control method is 100% effective just scares me. I think for now I'd be better off abstaining from sexual activities or at least the ones that actually pose a risk, in the meantime I'll be educating myself more

[KierC]

You know, I think that’s really wise to avoid activities that pose a risk, or activities that trigger your pregnancy anxiety. After all, having sex is a decision you make based on your comfort with the situation and its risks; and if you truly aren’t comfortable with the risks, it’s okay not do to it! Sometimes, too, when you’re getting overwhelmed by pregnancy anxiety, taking the whole topic off the table in your mind, even for a bit, can be such a relief. Such a great idea to educate yourself more in the meantime, but if you feel like you’re getting overwhelmed again, it’s ok to take a step back. Feel free to take a look at the articles we have on our website here as well, and know we’re happy to answer questions you have as you educate yourself more, but continue to check in with yourself and notice when you may need to step back and focus elsewhere.

[Sandrah]

You're right, for now the best thing to do for me is just to distract myself even though it is hard as my brain is somehow convinced that I could be pregnant in someway from this "accident". I'm also expecting my period in a few days and my mind just wanders there, like "what if my period doesn't come" and stuff like that, it's exhausting

[Andy]

I hear you, anxiety can be so exhausting as it convinces you that you cant trust your judgment and keeps you in the circle of seeking outside reassurance but than not believing it. And often the best way to deal with it is by shifting your attention towards something else. Can you think of any activities that can help you feel better and distract yourself for the next few days? If you want, you can find some inspiration here: Self-Care: A La Carte!

[Sandrah]

Thank you for the useful suggestions. I'm trying to manage as best as I can but sometimes, like today, I fall once again in the loop of reassurance seeking and when I find even the smallest piece of info that indicates that I could've had a risk of pregnancy I panic even though I have many resources that say otherwise... I've been seeing that fingering doesn't pose a risk when the fluid is dry and it dries in about 15 minutes but I don't know if this much time passed between him touching his penis and then fingering me. But then I think that we were both fully clothed and I wonder if the act of reaching into his pants and then having to reach into mine lowers the risk and if there was truly any risk at all?