Could I get an STI from this?

[Brian]

Hello. So I gave my partner oral sex through cullingus. However, she peed before hand and it tasted really salty.

I’m wondering if peeing before giving oral sex put me at risk of any infection. If the answer is no, then do I still need to worry? We are each other’s one and only sexual partner in our history of doing acts. I’d assume that i’m safe then. If the answer is yes, is the risk worth worrying about? And idk if i’m overthinking, but my throat began to hurt after

[Brian]

Sorry for another comment. Our sexual acts were all our firsts with each other. We both haven’t had any partners prior to do sexual acts.

[KierC]

Hey Brian,

I have a direct answer for you about oral sex and STI risk, but I also want to check in more generally about how your anxiety and therapy have been going. How does that sound?

To answer your question: Oral sex without any sort of barrier protection does pose a moderate risk to STIs. Urinating beforehand does not impact risk, but it’s a good idea to urinate afterwards to mitigate any UTI risk. As a reminder, you can read up about risk levels here Can I Get Pregnant, Or Get Or Pass On An STI From That?

That being said, STIs are not created of out thin air: they are passed on, so you are right in that element that discussing previous partners and STI status with your partner is a good step to identifying STI risk. It’s also a good idea to get tested regularly for STIs and discuss openly with your partner when you were tested last. STI symptoms don’t show up immediately, too, so your throat hurting probably has to do with something else, maybe muscle cramping from the activity itself, or general illness.

A good way to lessen this anxiety in this instance, though, is to get your first STI test! Seeing a negative result can sometimes help ease the anxiety of “what if?”, you know? Another helpful step to consider may be incorporating barrier methods during oral sex. You can read more about dental dams here! All the Barriers! All the Time!

I want to check in on things generally too, because I know we’ve been talking with you a bit about some sexual risk anxiety. How has your therapy for this anxiety been going, and have you learned any new tools/new insights that might help you in this instance?

[Brian]

Hello KierC! I think with my partner having no sexual experience or activities with anyone prior to our sexual acts kind of makes me confident that I’m at no risk of an STI. Plus, we’ve been performing oral sex on each other for months. Not that we’re not cautious, but I know that STI’s don’t pop out of nowhere. I was just worried that peeing beforehand can cause anything! Though just in case, we’ll get tested. I do think I’m ok though because my partner has had NO HISTORY of sexual diseases and neither have I! Also i haven’t gotten my flu shot yet, and recently many of my classmates in college were sick. Oh i hope im not getting sick..

I think you’d be proud to know that I’ve been getting better at managing my anxiety! My therapist taught me to let my emotions flow and acknowledge they’re there, and stop trying to ignore them. Yes, my fears still pop up once in a while and it can get scary sometimes, but I remember my exercises and doing oral becomes much more easier. My therapist also taught me to get used with being uncomfortable, to train my mind that what I’m scared of isn’t real and that I am okay :,) My partner and I have also established an aftercare system, so I don’t get anxious immediately after our intimacy. It..feels nice :,)

Honestly, thank you for your kind responses. Last few months have been rough and giving me the help I needed really made things easier!

[KierC]

Hey Brian,

What a wonderful update! I agree with you, I think you’re okay, and even more so because it sounds like you have an ongoing dialogue with your partner about this. All good things!

I AM very glad to hear that your anxiety management is improving! These are such excellent suggestions from your therapist, and I am really so glad you’re having a good experience with your therapist. It can be so transformative to learn to acknowledge your emotions and let them flow without judgment or letting it rattle you, and to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. I do that with my own anxiety, too: noticing when emotions come by like traffic on a road, gently observing what kind of cars pass by, how many cars pass by, all without judgment or trying to change the flow of traffic — it can be really calming. I want to say, too, it’s okay to still get anxious from time to time. True progress is not linear; you can have triggers that cause more anxiety and come back even stronger because of what you’re learning in therapy, with your partner, and here.

Lastly, I am also glad to hear about your aftercare system with your partner. These are all such wonderful updates!

[Brian]

Thanks :,) things are looking up. I was a little hard on myself few days ago. Like why do i still get anxious? Why am i still like this? Being harder on myself just made me feel worse and my friends and loved ones as well..

If I were to get tested though, I should wait for a few weeks right? I recall from sex ed (man that was AGES ago) that STD’s take a bit to incubate

[KierC]

You are welcome! I hear you that there’s some days that you’re a little harder on yourself. On those days, is there anything different going on that might be related to being harder on yourself? If you can identify some triggers, that might be a helpful topic to bring up in therapy, as they may be able to give you some tools for identifying and managing triggers that result in negative self-talk or increased anxiety.

On STI testing: Yes, you will want to wait to get an STI test — different STIs will show up at different times. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can show up after about 2 weeks, so you can get tested then, but they can show up later as well, so it’s a good idea to just have a system in place for getting regular STI tests once you become regularly sexually active. For example, it could be a good rule of thumb for you to get an STI test a few weeks after you have a new partner (not so relevant right now as you have one parter, but for your life/the future/when anxiety pops up), just so you can have that system in place for yourself to check off any anxiety before it begins. From what you’re describing, this sounds like something you don’t need to worry about too much currently, but if you become anxious about STIs again, it could be helpful to have an idea of when getting tested is a good idea. How does that sound?

[Brian]

That sounds great. Thanks so much! I have therapy on Thursday so I have lots to talk abt! Stay awesome

[KierC]

You’re welcome, you stay awesome too!