Am I asexual?

[sterling]

I experience sexual attraction sometimes when I know someone well but so far I've never really enjoyed having sex I get bored mid way through and then I'm not really feeling it and I kinda want to stop but then I feel bad saying I want to stop because the other person is enjoying it and then I feel trapped and then I panic. Or sometimes I just feel grossed out by the idea of even kissing someone like very occasionally I enjoy but most of the time I don't and I don't know why

[Latha]

Hi there, Sterling!

I can see why you're asking this question — asexuality can involve experiences like yours, such as experiencing attraction in limited contexts and being disinterested in sexual activities. There is nothing wrong with being this way. What matters most is whether asexuality feels right to you — how do you feel about using this word to describe yourself?

A good way to answer your question might be to spend some time learning about the experiences of other asexual people, and to see if they resonate with you. Would you like some resources that can help you do that?

I must say, if you don't want to be having sex, you can and should ask to stop. I understand how it might feel bad to stop something that the other person is enjoying, but that isn't more important than your safety. Any good partner would agree — they would not want to hurt you or make you feel trapped. If you want to have sex in the future, you should do it with the assurance that you will stop if you don't want to continue. It may help to practice these conversations, on your own or with a partner, so they are easier to have in the moment.