How to feel sexier?

[forest_wave]

Title kinda says it all. I'm single, so of course a big part is about wanting other people to find me sexy, but it's also about wanting to feel more comfortable and confident just for me. I know exercise/getting in better shape could be one thing. I'm sure clothing is another, but I wouldn't know where to start in that regard--most of the time I'm either wearing drab business-casual for my job or comfortable clothes outside of work. And I'm male, so it feels like my options for sexy clothing might be a little more limited (like, for example, what the heck would be the male equivalent of lingerie?). So, yeah, what else might I do or try to feel more confident about myself in this way?

[KierC]

Hi forest_wave,

I’m glad you’ve asked about this. I think it’s a really natural thing to want to feel sexy, confident, and comfortable. Of course it’s nice to be viewed as attractive by others, but more important is how you feel about yourself. I want to emphasize the comfort aspect, too, as it often goes hand-in-hand with confidence!

A note on exercise/getting in better shape. I think that’s something you could definitely do if *you* want to do it, with the mindset that it’s for your health and comfort and you shouldn’t be pressured to look a certain way. You know? But I think it’s a good idea if you just want to get feeling a bit better in your body. Gentle movements can be a really wonderful thing.

Clothing and other aspects of presentation can certainly help with feeling more confident. A good thought exercise for this might be; can you identify any people who look like you who you find to look confident or attractive, or who you admire? What about them do you find sexy or attractive (I’m not saying attraction like *you* want to be with them, but more like “this person looks good,” or “this person looks like they feel good”)? If you can find some details about others that you think show confidence, that might be an idea to try. I would also suggest just experimenting with different ways of wearing clothes, different fits or silhouettes, color palettes, jewelry/accessories, scents or colognes, etc. It can take time and experimentation to find a personal style that feels good for you, but the experimentation can be fun too.

On sexy clothes for men! There’s certainly a wide range of things that can be considered “lingerie for men,” including any underwear that feels good or sexy to wear, or a different fabric or pattern of underwear. There’s also more standard “lingerie” for men, too, like sexy underwear and harnesses and stuff. I’ve heard people say online slightly jokingly (but I think there’s so much truth to it) that for some people the male equivalent of lingerie is “grey sweatpants” — I think we can take that as an indication, too, that 1) comfort is key; 2) things that emphasize the parts of your body you like can be sexy, even if they’re not traditional lingerie; and 3) that “sexy” is in the eye of the beholder.

With all that in mind, can you think of some things you think of as sexy? Are there fabrics you like, colors, silhouettes, “vibes”?

[forest_wave]

Hello! On exercise: well, I guess it's both. Yes, I want to have a fitness routine for stress relief, mood, sleep, general wellness, etc...but it definitely is also tied to negative feelings about how my body looks and how I'd rather it look.

Thanks for the suggestions on clothing! My personal style does tend to be more comfortable-casual: tee shirts, flannels when it's cold, jeans, the occasional sweater. I don't 100% trust my judgment when it comes to experimenting with fashion (or my colorblindness, ha), or really know a ton about fashion or fabrics. But as far as things I'd find sexy or attractive, maybe things like linen, mesh, florals, darker colors. Anything that shows a little skin, like short sleeves or shorts a little above the knee; I definitely notice a difference wearing a button-down with one button open instead of two. Things that kind of drape or are flowy, not necessarily to the point of being baggy. But nothing too tight, anything that feels restrictive to me is pretty uncomfortable. I like rings, bracelets, dangly necklaces. Playing around with scents could be fun. Something to think about for sure, since I guess my vocabulary/ideas about patterns, materials, etc. are a bit limited. Hard to think about it in terms of showing off parts of my body I like because, well, see above.

Aside from exercise and clothing, are there other things I might experiment with?