I am posting this in relationships because this has come up in both my current and past relationship. For some backstory, I have a normal ability to pick up on social cues and perceive social interactions and socialize normally. I was raised in modern liberal sex education teachings when I was in schoolI was taught that even if someone is my girlfriend I need to ask for or accurately deduce if it is okay to come onto my partner sexually and/or touch her. I was raised to respect women.
My current partner (She is an African-American woman and I am a "White" man and you'll see where this becomes relevant later when I discuss a racial comment she made) got offended that very recently after I became her boyfriend and she became my girlfriend; that i would not spontaneously with literally no social cues/anything leading up to it; would not just randomly touch her sexually and "make a move" and that I have to "learn how to be an alpha male".
Let's say she said she was sleepy and seemed sleepy and we were watching tv in her bed; apparently I was supposed to randomly touch her in a sexual manner and start kissing her. There was no social cue. It wasn't like we were laughing in a jovial mood and laying together with our faces close together with romantic/sexual tension in the air and I knew it was natural to kiss her and grope her.
Instead she told me she was sleepy and physically appeared sleepy. So she got upset and eventually made a comment in an irritated voice saying "you're supposed to touch me! I need you to be a man!"
Another time and I admit this was very different, she told me she prefers to sleep nude as there is no AC in her house. She took her clothes off and layed on her side with her buttocks facing me and playfully in a teasing manner said "I hope you don't mind hehehehe" and I told her she is so sexy and (I'm rewording this in a more formal way on this forum) that her buttocks is so sexy. I playfully said "oooh babe may I touch?" And she said immediately corrected me in a non-playful manner saying "you don't ask your girlfriend that, you just grab what's yours* so I didn't didn't say anything and got "handsy with her" and we had sex/made love.
Afterwards she told me an odd compliment that was racial (I understand using the term racist as a white male is debated as far as terminology goes in SOME circles on the Internet) comment saying "I thought white guys were supposed to have small d*cks (making the classic small penis gesture with her fingers) and can't last; you must be the exception!".
I just laughed it off (not really offended because I realize she brings up race and racial stereotypes a lot...about white people) and said "hahaha thanks love I'm glad you like my d*ck.
Later over text she asked me again about white people having small penises and if it's true. I'm not history buff but I told her my understanding is that back in time very racist white Europeans in Africa started a narrative that African men had larger than average penises and at the time it was supposed to be derogatory by portraying African men as "hypersexual". The racist stereotype continued but with changing attitudes about what it meant and took on different variations about other races too, and that in reality penis size really depends on the individual and there's some studies hypothesizing that penis size has to do with factors like individual exposure to hormone levels in the fetus and it really depends on the person (I left out the part that the majority of men actually have average penis sizes which i'm pretty sure I'm the same way)
She replied saying "oh okay, you must be the exception"
Didn't really bother me but I thought it was odd.
Another time at the park she asked me in a very curious and serious tone if it's true what she heard in her community that a lot of white people don't actually wash themselves well in the shower. Since she's generally so friendly and super sweet to me and seemed genuinely curious like she wanted to know, I told her there isn't really anything inherit or typical of white people not washing themselves correctly/thoroughly when showering and that there are probably some men that just don't exercise the best hygiene and some men that wash themselves thoroughly like they are supposed to regardless of what race the person is
She also has displayed very playful teasing banter with me about me being white and wanting to make me blush and turn pink. That didn't bother me at all because she is so super sweet and playful and flirty when she says that. Actually a lot of her behavior towards me is extremely sweet and affectionate and she seems infatuated with me, writing me love letters and it melts my heart
So what are your thoughts on these two different subject matters in the relationship? Also how come if the caring consensual component (which comes naturally to me) is at odds with some women, that those women don't choose to speak up and tell sex educators not to "speak for all women" or sex educators inform students that there does exist some women that don't agree with everything they said about verbal consent once a relationship has just very recently started or some dating has occurred and to ask women you're dating beforehand if they agree or partially disagree with what is being taught about sexual consent
Oh and one last thing, I understand sex in many cases happens naturally in the moment, but my girlfriend told me to make sure "I am always prepared" to have sex (in her context it appeared as if she meant willing and capable as I told her next time she desires intimacy I'll try my best to make sure I am not as drowsy as our last session and have more energy)