Is this normal, what can I do?

[Jax-in-the-box]

So I'm posting this rather early in the morning but only because I can't get it off my mind. I am a big plus size person, around 3x shirt size for example, and with that I have insecurity about every part of my body but especially down there. I havent checked it out much but I know I have what I think is called a FUPA at least think, and pretty large outer labia and I think no inner labia at least not that I have seen. I can barely handle my insecurity with everything else but this is one of the biggest, is it normal? What can I do to I guess lose weight down there if that's even possible. I'm dating this really sweet guy a few states away and I'm worried if I ever see him soon or in general since it is driving distance a couple hours that il freak and lose my chance. I don't want my insecurity of this especially to hold me back but I don't see a way of accepting it either.

[Andy]

Hi there Jax-in-the-box and welcome to the boards!

I’m sorry to hear this has been worrying you and that you feel insecure in your body. The thing is, contrary to what the society and fashion or diet industry are trying to make us believe, it’s often impossible to make big changes to how parts of our bodies look and when it is, it often causes us way more harm. But the good news is that it doesn’t really matter. There are all sorts of bodies, all sorts of bellies, vulvas and labias and unless they are causing us pain or posing other health risk, they are perfectly okay the way they are. But I understand it’s so hard to not get all the body-negativity around us get to you, however it is never too late to start thinking about your body differently and unlearn those hurtful messages about it.
You wouldn’t want a partner who isn’t excited about your body and genitals, right? So why not extend the same compassion towards yourself?

How can we best help you around this? Would you like some resources about anatomy so you can get more familiar and comfortable with yours? Or do you want to talk more about fat bodies, body image and confidence? Do you want to share more about how you are feeling about all this?
We have lots of resources and articles on these topics so I want to make sure we help you the best way we can <3

[Jax-in-the-box]

I guess talk more about fat bodies, body image and confidence. I know it's not necessarily something harmful or gets in the way of my life technically but It still isn't something I think I can just get over. I get the whole "all bodies look different" thing but I just can't stand how I do. I feel like I've screwed myself over, like if I lost weight sooner I wouldn't have this much an issue with it or something. I just really wish there were something I could do about it because I'm not the type of person to get over insecurities.

[Sofi]

Hi Jax-in-the-box, hope it's okay if I jump in. I hear you and unfortunately, this is way too common, especially at your age... I had a lot of insecurities about my body for a long time, and it led to unhealthy habits. Looking back, I want to hug my younger self and tell her she's not only fine the way she is, but her looks are the least interesting or important thing about her.

There's a lot online about the body positivity movement, but what changed everything for me was learning about body neutrality. This is when we switch from focusing on our body's appearance and instead we appreciate its function and how it serves us. My body's ability to keep me alive is something I respect and appreciate - I don't need to love how it looks all the time, because that's not its primary function. It's okay to have insecurities, but we can also have a good relationship with our body that allows us to see beyond that. Does that make sense?

Of course, if you want to learn to embrace and love your body and celebrate how it looks, that's also perfectly okay! The point here is that hating our body serves no purpose except harm us. I wonder if you can think back to when you first received negative messages around fat bodies, or where you see them now. Is it social media? People around you? Finding the root of it can be a first step to deconstructing this concept that fat is bad or something you should change.

[Jax-in-the-box]

yeah it makes sense ig, thanks.

[Sofi]

Of course! Let me know if you want to talk more about where you received the negative messages from or anything else. <3