Is this considered SA? If not, what is it??
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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maroonteen
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- Sexual identity: Aromantic-Asexual
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Is this considered SA? If not, what is it??
I've been thinking a lot about some of my experiences in highschool. To give some context, I was a introverted kid and I was definitely a "weird" kid. I also happen to be Aroace and most people rejected that concept and just labeled me as "weird lesbian girl" because it was easier for them to comprehend. There was this girl I had a P.E summer class with, I became friends with her and some other new people after not really knowing anyone there. She was a touchy person and she would often get overly close to me or even go as far as to slap my ass a few times. I never consented to such an action and I do remember asking why she would do that and that its not okay..she would sort of just laugh it off and then I was too nervous to really say anything because if I called her out maybe the rest of the friend group wouldn't like me, I tried to talk to someone else about it once but they just said she's just "like that." She grabbed at me again once in the pool and I remember getting upset and asking her to stop but she shrugged it off and said "I thought you would like it because you're a lesbian." As far as I know this girl is straight and had no genuine sexual intent behind her actions but the action itself still felt violating even if its not that severe. So is this even considered assault or harassment? Is this even something I can be upset over? Is it as big of a deal as i'm making it out to be..? I might just be overreacting because I'm someone who has never liked physical touch.
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Latha
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: Is this considered SA? If not, what is it??
Hi there, Maroonteen!
I’m glad you felt comfortable reaching out to talk to us about this. I would understand if you were upset about what happened with this girl, because it was sexual assault.
Harassment like this doesn’t have to be motivated by sexual desire. The common factor that ties together all cases of assault is a disrespect for another person’s consent and boundaries. She had more than enough information to know that you were not comfortable with her actions — you communicated it implicitly and explicitly. Yet, she chose to do so anyway. Her excuse at the pool is telling for how flimsy it is. And if she thought you would like it, that means she was aware that you didn’t want it. Yet she dismissed you instead of apologizing.
I’m sorry to hear that the person you spoke to made excuses for her and enabled her behavior. It wasn’t okay for her to treat you like this, and it is not a small matter. I don’t think you are overreacting.
How does it feel to think about what happened in these terms? Is there any support you would like around this?
I’m glad you felt comfortable reaching out to talk to us about this. I would understand if you were upset about what happened with this girl, because it was sexual assault.
Harassment like this doesn’t have to be motivated by sexual desire. The common factor that ties together all cases of assault is a disrespect for another person’s consent and boundaries. She had more than enough information to know that you were not comfortable with her actions — you communicated it implicitly and explicitly. Yet, she chose to do so anyway. Her excuse at the pool is telling for how flimsy it is. And if she thought you would like it, that means she was aware that you didn’t want it. Yet she dismissed you instead of apologizing.
I’m sorry to hear that the person you spoke to made excuses for her and enabled her behavior. It wasn’t okay for her to treat you like this, and it is not a small matter. I don’t think you are overreacting.
How does it feel to think about what happened in these terms? Is there any support you would like around this?
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maroonteen
- not a newbie
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2023 8:44 pm
- Age: 20
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: He/She
- Sexual identity: Aromantic-Asexual
- Location: LA
Re: Is this considered SA? If not, what is it??
I feel like labeling it as sexual assault is allowing my brain to realize how severe it was. It's just weird because it happened a few years ago and for so long it meant nothing and all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling or if there's a proper reaction to this for me to have. I'm not sure how to go from here, but thank you for helping me identify it as what it was.
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maille
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: Is this considered SA? If not, what is it??
Hi, maroonteen!
I am glad you are allowing yourself to claim the term 'sexual assault'. Something happened to you that should never happen to another human. That can be traumatic and bring up all sorts of feelings, immediately after, or in your case after some time has passed.
There is no proper reaction to have as this situation should never occur, despite how common it is. I will say that questioning whether something 'counts' as assault or not is a response that many have and ask about here on Scarleteen's boards.
SA can have effects on our mental, social and physical health. I hope you are taking care in all of those aspects of your life. If you feel like you are struggling in one or more of those areas, we can absolutely chat about it here.
Sending all the best!
I am glad you are allowing yourself to claim the term 'sexual assault'. Something happened to you that should never happen to another human. That can be traumatic and bring up all sorts of feelings, immediately after, or in your case after some time has passed.
There is no proper reaction to have as this situation should never occur, despite how common it is. I will say that questioning whether something 'counts' as assault or not is a response that many have and ask about here on Scarleteen's boards.
SA can have effects on our mental, social and physical health. I hope you are taking care in all of those aspects of your life. If you feel like you are struggling in one or more of those areas, we can absolutely chat about it here.
Sending all the best!
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