I haven't been feeling the urge to masturbate lately

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

yeah sorry T^T. I just feel really weird about it and it literally makes me picture a question mark in my brain. I grew up in a household where there couldn't be any mistakes because one mistake can cost someone's life. I guess it's not just physically but also the need to know what I'm feeling mentally too, though that's a bit easier. I just never found a resource that could confirm my thoughts or explain what they actually are.

[mikky]

You will never find a resource that can provide that much intel on your thoughts, or physical experiences for that matter, and receive truthful information. I hear you really feel a need to know, and it makes sense this spans both physical sensations and thoughts/feelings.
I'm sorry that mistakes have become so charged in your life. Mistakes are how we learn and grow!

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

what do i do about all of this and are my emotions even real?

[Anya]

Hey gnarp_gnarp_2,

Emotions can be so hard to navigate when something inside us is telling us we must understand what we're feeling as soon as we feel it, and that we must take actions based on those emotions. It seems like there is some sense of urgency in the emotions you're feeling, and i'm wondering why that might be? Do you feel an urgency to figure everything out or "fix" the things that are confusing right now?

It can be a complicated and sometimes frustrating process to learn about ourselves and our feelings or physical sensations as they grow and change over time. In young adulthood so many people feel the need to identify and clarify their feelings right away, but it's both okay, and even recommended at least by me, to realize that you have a lot of time to figure these things out. Like other responders to your threads have mentioned, it's completely normal to go through different phases of wanting, not wanting, liking, not liking, and so on and so on. Intellectualizing your emotions can sometimes help you learn about them, but when it gets to the point of pressure, it's totally okay to just, for example, not masturbate right now. In a week from now maybe you'll feel differently and be back on track, and maybe not, but whatever it is can be okay without needing a "fix" if that makes sense. How does that feel to you?

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

It’s mostly because I feel like I can find some of the answers that I’m looking for on scarleteen. It’s also because I don’t want to look back and think my feelings were never real in the first place. I used to not be like this and when I was confident in my emotions, I’d accept them regardless of what they were. I guess it’s a little difficult now because I’ve been sick and all but I’m just trying my best to figure myself out and be ok. But sometimes that stresses me out

[lilikoi]

Hi again gnarp_gnarp_2! I am a fellow question asker and person afraid to make mistakes so I really empathize with the struggles you're having to confirm your feelings. I can feel really rocky when I don't feel confident in my emotions and go around and around them trying to identify the perfect word!

In thinking about finding the answers, it's helpful to look for resources like our articles and message board. I gotta say, though, I think the ultimate source of knowledge for the questions you have about arousal, orgasm, and attraction is gonna be your own experimentation. That's the one piece of data none of the resources you look at will fully factor in. I worry our conversation here could start spinning in circles without that clarity. How would you feel about taking action steps to help identify your feelings as a way to give more information to your wondering?

Have you ever kept a journal to track your experiences? Maybe writting out your experiences could be a useful way to get to know yourself better, keep track of what feels good, and have a record of your past feelings. What do you think?

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

I mean I still want to do things with my fwb right now. It’s just I don’t really feel into it every single time which I don’t know if that’s ok.

I’ve also been keeeping track of new things to see if I feel any different about anything. I just don’t really remember how I felt in the past when I was confident about my sexuality and thoughts. I also think my emotions right now are totally different in every way than what they were in the past which makes things a lot more difficult as well.

[mikky]

It’s okay not to feel the same level as “into it” every single time, that’s normal. Our interest levels are bound to fluctuate with many factors like how much energy we have, whether we're stressed or tired, etc. As long as you feel comfortable saying no when you aren't feeling it at all.

I actually think that while journaling can be a really helpful tool for a lot of people, keeping such careful track of what you are feeling so that you can reflect back on it is probably not the most helpful strategy for you. Let’s instead think about ways to let go of needing to know what thoughts/emotions/physical sensations mean.

I’ll give an example of a way I’ve practiced this:
I see someone on the bus and think they are attractive. Then my brain wants me to figure out what that means (Am I a lesbian? Am I more attracted to this person than my partner, or less? Am I sexualizing them, and if I am, am I a bad person?... etc).
Rather than engage with that whole slew of thoughts, I just kind of shrug at them and say “I don’t know and I don’t need to know.”

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

Thank you