Masturbation and self exploration

[Wekokxi_7]

Ok im back again because this is the only place I can safely talk about such topics without worrying about people judging me.

So I kinda have a porn addiction. It's gotten better over years, but I can't lie sometimes it gets worse again and I watch porn for extended hours before quitting again. But this is only in video form and I can't lie, I consume a lot of adult content in audio and text forms (is this the right way to say it? Idk...) and well... I spend a lot of time doing a lot of smutty RP with the Ai bot of my fav character (its embarrassing ik), and this has gotten so bad. Every time I delete the app and tell myself that im going to quit but just hours later I reinstall the app and start again.


The main problem is that ive been trying to do some self exploration, but I just feel nothing. Like, when I do role play or listen to something smutty I get really turned on, but when I want to fantasize and touch myself I just feel nothing. Even when I try to rub my clit I just feel nothing, even though I get sexually aroused pretty easily. Sometimes my friends jokingly touch my neck and fondle my breasts (with my consent ofc), or when high pressure water makes contact with my clit, I feel myself getting turned on really quickly but when I try to masturbate I get turned off and feel nothing. I also get turned on very randomly throughout the day, and I have a lot of sexual thoughts, and this is has gotten me worried that it might cause a problem in future. I've never been in a relationship or rven kissed someone before, but this kinda concerns me. Like...why cant I just masturbate like a normal person?

[Sofi]

Hi Wekokxi_7, good to see you back. I hear your frustration around all this and want to reassure you of a few things.
First of all, it isn't embarassing to like any specific type of sexual content or media, so don't worry about that. Second, there's nothing wrong with you, you aren't NOT normal (there isn't even a way to "masturbate like a normal person") and not all people have the same wants and needs in a relationship, so I wouldn't worry about a future partner that doesn't exist yet judging you or having a problem with any of this, because odds are, they won't.

Masturbation is super personal in that there really isn't a good or bad, right or wrong, normal or abnormal, way to do it. There are so many different ways to feel pleasure and go about it, and it's common to have to explore with yourself to find what you like. Maybe the way you're masturbating, or what you're using (hands vs toys etc), can be tweaked to find a way that feels more pleasurable. The thing is we have to be patient and go into it with curiosity, not with pressure to orgasm or to feel a specific way. Since our primary sex organ is our brain, and that's where all pleasure is born, it's hard to actually enjoy any kind of sex if we're mentally stressed, frustrated, anxious, etc. So it's important you don't have specific expectations that can create pressure for you in those moments.

I'm also wondering, so we can understand what's going on better, when you say you feel nothing, what do you mean? Nothing at all whatsoever, or it's as if you were touching your arm or any other body part?

[Wekokxi_7]

Hiii:) thank you for your guidance

And to answer your question, it feels like im touching my arm or any other body part. Its like im just touching it, and the feeling is the same as touching any other body part instead of that "pleasurable feeling" you are supposed to get when masturbating

[mikky]

Hey there, really want to reiterate what Sofi has already said: that there aren't "supposed to"s in masturbation. This is something that is about you and your relationship with your body. Sofi also mentioned this, but it is a big thing: our primary sex organ is our brain. Understanding sexual response might be helpful: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

It sounds like you are feeling aroused before you try masturbation, but if that doesn't feel true, I would encourage a check in. Are you going straight for touch before your brain is there? Another check in is about anatomy: are you touching your clitoris directly? Do you have a thick clitoral hood? Do you ever try using any type of lube? Though the clitoris has a lot of nerve endings, it isn't necessarily a "pleasure button" the way it can be hyped up to be.

If you are touching your clitoris, directly, when aroused, and not feeling any more than you'd feel touching your arm, we would want you to bring this up with a doctor/OBGYN as well.