Friend Doesn't Respond

[PaintedWildDog]

About 1.5ish years ago I met this girl I really liked (platonically). We had a ton of common interests and became instant friends. We exchanged phone numbers and started texting. She was a virtual student (we met through a club) and was trying to convince her mom to let her back to normal physical school.
Later that school year I find out I've been accepted into this private school (I don't need to move). Even though I was going to miss my friends, I decided to go. Over the summer we texted nonstop. It's nearing the start of the school year and I find out her mom has allowed her to go back to physical school. Yay! I'm so glad for her.
I don't really text her once school starts since I'm still getting used to this new place. I do reach out to ask her what she likes (her birthday is around then). We don't talk for a while, then we do a super awesome FaceTime. I don't remember why, but it was amazing. I showed her the gift I got her and said I was going to send it soon.
It took longer than I meant, but it did eventually get to her. She thanked me a ton. That was the last time we really talked for months. I would send her texts but she'd either leave me on read or barely say anything. Eventually I just kinda stopped.
Finals come around and one of my other friends sends a message in an old gc with me, them, and her. It was just like old times with her. But that feels like a fluke cuz she doesn't really respond.
I'm worried she doesn't think of me as a friend anymore and just wants to leave me behind now that she's at real school. God, I really miss her, but I don't what to do. Part of me wants to ask if she doesn't want to be friends anymore, but I don't know if I can handle if she says yes. I've literally had dreams where I'm feeling alone and she comes and is like "I still really like you!! I've just been busy ".
Is asking for her thoughts worth the risk? Should I try sending texts again? Or do I just try to forget about it (which hasn't really worked).

[Becky]

Hi PaintedWildDog! Welcome to Scarleteen!

I think if you miss this person and still want to be friends with them it is totally worth trying to reach out again. I think the best thing you can do is just be honest. You know, something like "Hey, I'm sorry we haven't gotten to talk as much lately. But I miss you and want to catch up."

It would be really sad if she responded and said she doesn't want to be friends but at least then you know where you stand and could start moving on. But I bet it's just been difficult to keep in touch since you're both at different schools now. Since she's attending IRL school now she probably just has a lot more on her plate than when she did virtual school.

You might like this article we have here about Building Your Own Relationship Models. Admittedly it focuses on romantic relationships a bit but I think it can still be really helpful for friendships as well. It just helps you think about how you want your relationship with this friend to look and what you would both need to maintain it.

For example, do you want to try and FaceTime at least once a month? Can you meet up in person occasionally? Think about things you have in common or activities you could do together. Could you meet up for board games or play video games online together?

Bottom line, I think it's always best to try and communicate and be honest about our feelings with our loved ones. There's a very good chance that she's feeling the same way as you and just doesn't know how to express it. So I would encourage you to reach out to her again! How do you feel about doing that?

[PaintedWildDog]

Thank you for responding, Becky. I read the article and will try to apply it to my situation.

Over the summer I tried to meet with her irl, but she said she couldn't because of something related to her mom (I don't recall the exact reasoning). Maybe now that it's the school year it'll be different.
FaceTiming and playing video games should be feasible.

I think I will text her, even if it's kinda scary. Again, thank you.

[PaintedWildDog]

I texted and it turns out she's just been busy! She actually told me that she literally mentioned me earlier today!! I'm so happy, thank you for giving me the confidence :DDDD. I'll see if I can hangout with her irl.

[maille]

PaintedWildDog,

I am glad you are going to give Becky's advice a try! I understand that reaching out takes some vulnerability and can feel scary, but I agree that it seems like a good step. After all, good relationships, no matter the style, thrive off of honest communication.

Best of luck!

[maille]

Oops, just saw and approved your newest response.

What great news! Glad your confidence got a boost!