sex toy germophobia and shame

[unknownyonder]

I have a toy from a reputed website. It’s 100% silicone. I used to use it frequently, cleaning it after each use with soap and water. More recently, I’ve had a nasty series of UTI’s, and I can no longer approach the toy without feeling germaphobic and ashamed. I worry that it’s never clean enough. I fear that if I use it, I might get an infection as some sort of cosmic moral punishment. I wish to boil it, but I share my cookware with other people, and I feel like it would be wrong. Would it be wrong? What should I do?

[Heather]

Hey there. So sorry about the string of UTIs, that's so hard and painful when they just keep coming back (or are never fully treated, see more below).

There's no such thing as a cosmic moral punishment, period, and that certainly isn't the cause of any kind of infection. People get infections because there are germs in the world, and we all live in bodies that are susceptible to them. Infections are about biology, not morality. I promise. You have nothing to be ashamed of: you're just another person living in a body like the rest of us.

If you keep getting UTIs one right after the other, the most likely issue is that you're actually dealing with the same UTI that hasn't been fully treated. Sometimes one kind of treatment doesn't work well for a given person or UTI, and sometimes a UTIO is so stubborn, that the standard course of treatment just doesn't cut it. If someone gets recurring UTIs, often the way you're treated will be different altogether: for instance, a provider might have you try using a low-level antibiotic before any masturbation or partnered sex for a while. So, the very first thing I'd suggest you do is talk to your healthcare provider about your recurring UTIs. See what they suggest, and be sure that whatever they prescribe, you always take your treatment to the letter, including being sure to take the entire course. Stopping antibiotics early, in case you're not already aware, keeps them from doing their job.

Boiling your toy in the same cookware as everyone else is fine. Just like people can boil meat -- which is totally germy -- in a pot and have the pot be perfectly fine for the next person after they wash it, so too is the case with your toy. You also have the option of using a barrier with your toy if you're concerned this is the source of your UTIs, but chances are good this honestly has nothing to do with your toy. If someone got an infection from a toy it would more typically be bacterial vaginosis, not a UTI. But again, I'd have a conversation with your healthcare provider, and just generally keep your toys clean. <3