Am I masturbating incorrectly??

[fieldofflowers]

Ive tried pillow humping but no matter what I do it DOES NOT work. I never feel anything from that. Ive seen people talk about how great it is but whenever I do it NOTHING happens!! I follow tutorials, and try different ways, but nothing works and its upsetting me. Ive tried rubbing the top part of my private area and that doesnt feel good either, just incredibly sensitive and not in the enjoyable way. Ive tried touching my chest parts which people also say they enjoy, and I dont feel anything! Sometimes I try fingering, and it feels good sometimes, but other time it just doesn't feel like anything or hurts. Am I doing something wrong?? Is something wrong with my private area?? Were my genitals made incorrectly or smth?

[char]

Hi fieldofflowers! I'm sorry you're having a hard time masturbating. There's no "incorrect" way of masturbating, but it's true that what some people may find nice does not apply to others. (Or in other words, "different strokes for different folks.") I wouldn't say you're inherently "wrong" either, since there's no one "ideal" shape for any genitals.

What I would say is that you might want to consider why you want to masturbate on the first place. When you talk about pleasure, do you associate that with orgasm? Often, when we masturbate solely to orgasm, it can be difficult to achieve because we indirectly pressure ourselves to do so. This doesn't mean that you're not allowed to want to orgasm, but it's good to recognize that the pleasure can come from the act of touching yourself, too. Another thing to keep in mind is your emotional and physical state. If you masturbate after a particularly tiring day at school, for example, you might find yourself more distracted and your body more weary. Know what I mean?

You might want to check out these articles:
- Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
- Why can't I orgasm?

We can also help you with streamlining ways you can make your masturbation feel better, if you'd like.

[Heather]

Can I also pop in and ask what your motivation is when you try these different ways of masturbation? Is it something you do when you're turned on to freely explore different ways of touching yourself to see what feels good, without any agenda? Or does this look more like you coming to touch like a detective trying to solve a case, starting frustrated or pressure-ful and focusing only or mostly on trying to orgasm?

[fieldofflowers]

Can I also pop in and ask what your motivation is when you try these different ways of masturbation? Is it something you do when you're turned on to freely explore different ways of touching yourself to see what feels good, without any agenda? Or does this look more like you coming to touch like a detective trying to solve a case, starting frustrated or pressure-ful and focusing only or mostly on trying to orgasm?

It usually starts off where like I WANNA do it then it doesn't work and then I get upset then try a bunch of different things and search up HOW to do it and then I just get frustrated and I think im no longer in the mood by the time im done trying to figure it out

[fieldofflowers]

Hi fieldofflowers! I'm sorry you're having a hard time masturbating. There's no "incorrect" way of masturbating, but it's true that what some people may find nice does not apply to others. (Or in other words, "different strokes for different folks.") I wouldn't say you're inherently "wrong" either, since there's no one "ideal" shape for any genitals.

What I would say is that you might want to consider why you want to masturbate on the first place. When you talk about pleasure, do you associate that with orgasm? Often, when we masturbate solely to orgasm, it can be difficult to achieve because we indirectly pressure ourselves to do so. This doesn't mean that you're not allowed to want to orgasm, but it's good to recognize that the pleasure can come from the act of touching yourself, too. Another thing to keep in mind is your emotional and physical state. If you masturbate after a particularly tiring day at school, for example, you might find yourself more distracted and your body more weary. Know what I mean?

You might want to check out these articles:
- Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
- Why can't I orgasm?

We can also help you with streamlining ways you can make your masturbation feel better, if you'd like.

I usually do it after stressful situations but other times when I do it its in the middle of the night of like in the morning SUPER EARLY both when im tired

[Becky]

Hey fieldofflowers!

What does it feel like when you want to masturbate? Do you feel turned on and then try masturbating or is this something you are trying to make happen?

[Heather]

Okay, so for sure, once this becomes frustrating, or about anything but freely, gladly and relax-edly exploring pleasure with the aim of just that -- exploring pleasure, not having an orgasm or making something work -- it's time to just stop. because at that point, not only is orgasm no doubt off the table, pleasure itself is, and pleasure is the point of masturbation, not orgasm. Orgasm is something that only lasts a few seconds at a time and rarely offers a person anything if what got them there wasn't itself satisfying and enjoyable.

No one but you is likely to be able to tell you what feels good for you, so I would stop looking things up, stop with any tutorials (honestly, most of that kind of stuff is rarely helpful, because we are all just too different for someone to try and tell someone else how to masturbate), and stop doing anything until and unless you can come to it as something to just explore and see what happens without an attachment to any outcome. It sounds like you may need to basically start all over, and, for example, the next time you are feeling sexually turned on, just go somewhere private where you have some time, and start touching yourself with your hands around your head or neck, and slowly work your way down, just feeling what different kinds of touch feel like, experimenting with it slowly and curiously, and checking in about how things feel. When something feels good, whatever the spot, that's something to do more of, or explore more, experimenting with things like going faster or slower, or harder or softer, or in circles versus in strokes, if you get me. If you do more and more like this over time, you'll start to know more about what feels good for you and what you want to explore more of, and all of that will eventually lead you to learn ways of masturbating that feel good to you. Extended pleasure without the goal of orgasm is what is most likely to lead to orgasm when it happens, so in time, chances are good, that will lead you to experiencing orgasm, as well.

Make sense?