Relationship Problem

[Idk6156]

Hi all. I’m really sorry to be here again. I’ve been dealing with a pretty uncomfy situation recently and I’d love some help navigating it. I’m still with the same girl from the other posts. However, recently at University since about like November-December I’ve developed feelings for a friend of mine. She doesn’t know and I don’t even know if I plan to tell her. The thing is I find myself really liking her despite the fact that I’m also being eaten up by guilt for feeling this way. I try to be a good person and it pains me to think I’m doing something immoral, especially to my girlfriend. I love and care about her and would never want to hurt her but the situation makes me feel so trapped. I don’t want to hurt her by breaking up with her (if she cries I’m gonna cry). However, I can’t help liking the other girl which means that morally speaking I should break up with my gf even if nothing comes of the other girl. I just don’t know what to do. Plus the new girl kinda sets off the old insecurities that I try to keep buried. Any thoughts?

[KierC]

Hey there Don’t apologize for being here, I’m glad to see you here though I’m sorry it’s under stressful circumstances.

I’m hearing you say that you’re concerned with the morality of liking this other person, and it seems like a big source of this stress comes from a moral concern for hurting your partner. Did I understand you correctly there? You know, it isn’t immediately hurting someone to like someone and appreciate things about them. It isn’t even immoral to like someone else, if you ask me.

I think what matters is what you do about it, you know? If you and your girlfriend have decided that it isn’t okay to pursue other relationships and you end up eventually wanting to pursue one with this new person, then you may want to have a conversation about that with your girlfriend. But just liking someone is not immediately hurtful or immoral. I also want to say that, with navigating relationships, there’s a certain extent to which hurt feelings is unavoidable. We’re human, so we’re all going to bump heads sometimes. It’s really about how you navigate that hurt, how you address it and care for the other person. How does hearing that make you feel?

With that, I want to ask more about how your attraction to this new person feels for you. Have you spoken to this new person, and what have your interactions been like for you? Can you say a little more about what you mean by this new person bringing up old insecurities? And lastly, do you feel like you want to stay with your girlfriend? How is the relationship feeling for you apart from the new person?