Im very jealous of my best friend and it sucks

[DJDiva]

I feel so bad for being jealous of my best friend.

For a little background, our families are different money wise. Her family is NOT rich but they for sure have way more money than anyone in my family does.

It's summer break and most seniors are doing their senior trips since we graduated and I'm not. Im doing the same thing I've done every single summer, stay at home.

My wonderfully lucky best friend is going to Canada, New York(somewhere there but not the city), and Pittsburgh(which is literally my dream city. I want to live there after college so bad... like I've spoken about it so many times)... and like im happy she gets to travel, I've known this trip has been happening since like January... but I can't help but feel so envious. They always go somewhere for the summer and im ALWAYS stuck at home. I can't do anything. I can't go anywhere... and all I have to do is see her post all those dumb ass photos of her in places I wish I could go to.

I even asked my mom if maybe we could go to Memphis, TN for like a small senior trip(which isn't far from where I live in Arkansas and also isn't that expensive)... and she just said no and told me to ask my friend... the one who gets to do all the stuff. It's so annoying seeing her post stuff from her travels or have her send me stuff because it's not fair that she gets to do stuff that I can't and won't be able to do.

Like I've practically slept every single day of the summer and I've only left my house to go to an Orientation for college... while she's in Canada right now. Im tired of sleeping all day but what am I supposed to do? Wake up and get on my phone and do it over and over? Yeah that's way better 🫩. I was literally not given any chances in life and it's really pissing me off.

I feel this way every summer. All of my friends(but specifically my best friend) go places over the summer and I'm stuck listening to them talk about it or stuck having to look at the pictures they show me, and it's really shitty. I know they aren't bragging, but it feels like it because they all know that I'm practically trapped at home with literally nothing to do. My mom works 12 pm-7 am and sleeps all day when she gets home, I cant drive and don't have a car or live in a city with public transportation(i live in bumfucknowehere, Arkansas... so duh), and I have no money so like even if I did....I couldn't do anything. I sleep all day when I don't do anything and even my "doing something" is just being on my phone.

[Anya]

Hey DJDiva,

It sounds like you're feeling a bit jealous of your friend who gets to go on vacations over the Sumer, especially now that she's going somewhere you've dreamt of going for so long. It also seems this is sparking even more feelings around how your options (or lack thereof) for things to do and places to go in your own town make you feel pretty isolated. Both of these feelings are completely understandable. It can be very difficult to watch a friend go and experience something you've spent so much time thinking about, even if you know you want the best for them and for them to have a good time.

I'm sensing a bit of shame with this from you though, might that feel true? It can definitely be uncomfortable to have complex emotions like this towards friends, often what it really takes more than anything is letting those feelings just exist, acknowledging you feel that way, and doing what you can to move forward (though that is much easier said than done).

In terms of your options at home, and potentially expanding your experience of your town, - since you mentioned the sleep, phone, repeat pattern, is there a reason you aren't interested or able to start practicing driving? Because even though it is quite frustrating that a car is the only way to get around in so many places, it does open a lot of doors. Or if you could get rides from someone, are there places like a library, coffee shop, park, or mall you could try and bring yourself to spend some time at? It's reasonable to not want to go out, but sometimes there can be more value than you might imagine in just getting out of your own environment by a mile or two. Is something like this an option for you?

I think it's great you're thinking about Pittsburgh or a similar place after college, are you planning on going to college in your town or a nearby one?

[DJDiva]

Hi Amy, sorry for replying so late.

Basically I do feel really shameful for being so jealous of my friend because she's like my best friend of all time. She's always been there for me and now that she's enjoying something I don't get to, im overly jealous. It makes me feel like a fake and envious "friend" because I've rolled my eyes and sometimes have ignored her messages that are about the places she's at or like get annoyed when I see her post photos on her Instagram.

For the driving, I don't have a car and my mom won't teach me how to drive. She's a very anxious person and as i mentioned she works 12am to 7am and I would rather die than bother her when she finally gets home. Most of my friends that drive have jobs and the ones who dont... don't have cars or im not close to them like that. For my town, I think the issue is that I want something new. I have seen everything my boring and lame town has to offer. There's nothing for me to do, sure there's parks but im 17 and they're clearly for children. Not to mention they aren't the safest, there are a lot of junkies that hang around the park that's the closest to my house. I also live in a small enough town where there's no mall and not even one in the town over, so there's really nothing for me to do.

[char]

Hi DJDiva,

Gosh, your situation does sound like a bummer, I totally understand why you feel upset and jealous over your best friend's out-of-state (and overseas!) trip. Like Anya said, your frustrations are completely valid. I wonder if your friend is aware of how you're feeling. It's not something she can control, sure, but perhaps she might understand how her Instagram updates have made you feel without necessarily having to stop updating about it. For instance, aside from letting her know about your frustrations during a lighthearted convo with her, you can also let her know that you'd hide her Instagram updates for a while until she returns. As an alternative, you'd rather talk to her via other platforms (if you haven't already). What do you think?

I also hear you with sticking to your phone until you're bored... if there's not much you can do outside—which is a more common situation around the world for young people than you might assume—you can't help but focus on your phone. While I do live in the suburbs of a large city (and in the most populated provinces too), it's still difficult to go around to a café or mall by foot (we do have an Uber equivalent with both cars and motorcycles, but that's another thing), and the nearest public transportation that connects me to the major cities are like 10 kilometers (±6 miles) way.

Do you have a watchlist on YouTube or any streaming platform of your choice? If you do, how has watching those videos go? This applies to other media too: albums you'd like to hear, books you'd like to read, games you'd like to play (or watch gameplays of). I think making short reviews of these media you've engaged with can be a good way to kill boredom and make you retain what you've watched/read/played better. The reviews don't have to be essay-length, and you don't have to share them to anyone if you don't feel like it. And when it comes to hobbies that are focused on creating something—do you have them? Think drawing/painting, writing, crafting pottery, crotcheting, knitting, you name it.