i can’t experience penetration?

[whismyami]

First time using this site and i’ve seen a lot of people come here for sexual advice so i hope to do the same

18 years old virgin, i’ve been masterbating since forever but all this time ive been primarily using clitoral stimulation. I was 16 when i bought my first sex toy, a bullet vibrator , and i’ve been using that to help experiment more with what i enjoy and ive noticed a pattern.. no matter how wet i get or how aroused i think i am whenever i try to insert my vibe, or recently i’ve been trying with my finger.. it doesn’t work? i dont feel what i think im supposed to feel.. it just feels like a tight, odd sensation.. and then when i pull out there’s a faint lingering feeling, i can’t describe it but it’s definitely uncomfortable.
I’ve followed the diagrams and sex advice blogs but i don’t know what i’m doing wrong? I’m able to insert nearly my whole finger into what i hope is my vaginal opening and all i feel is a type fullness.. but not in the good way the fanfics i read talk about (lol) its discomforting.
I feel lost , i don’t know if it’s just my hymen.. maybe my body isn’t use to it yet? (i’ve never used tampons before) and i’m scared i could have vaginismus.
Is there any way I can fix this? or is it necessary to see a gynecologist.
i hope to really hear from people who have had/have the same issue ꒰ ᐢ ◞‸◟ᐢ꒱

[mikky]

Hello whimsyami, welcome

I notice that you said you are inserting your finger into what you hope is your vaginal opening. It’s pretty unlikely you’re inserting your finger into a different opening, if you’re concerned about that- the urethra is really small and would hurt a lot to have a finger inside of, and the anus is located relatively far from your vulva area.

If you poke around our message boards for a bit, you’ll see tons of other people aksing similar questions about inserting something (fingers and toys particularly) into their vaginas and not feeling much excitement about the sensation. Here’s a quote from With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
that helps us understand this:

The back ⅔ of the vagina has essentially no sensitivity, which is why sometimes someone can put a tampon⁠ in and hours later, realize they completely forgot about it. The lower ⅓ of the vagina and the vaginal opening are quite sensitive, though: the outer one-third of the vagina contains nearly 90 percent of the vaginal nerve endings. But the vagina, as a whole is not that sensitive to that fine touch we were talking about earlier: it tends to be more sensitive to pain than pleasure (which is not to say intercourse will or must hurt or should hurt), temperature changes or pressure.

So, I hope that helps dispel the idea that there is a “supposed to feel” with insertion. There are a lot of myths and misconceptions that intercourse (I use this word instead of penetration because I think “penetration” mischaracterizes that type of sex and makes it sound pretty violent) is the most pleasurable and best type of sex. I bet you can think of some reasons why a type of sex that the majority of people with vaginas do not reach orgasm with alone is the kind that is seen as “normal” or “real.”

The hymen (or corona) gradually wears away over time and with menstrual flow, discharge, etc. You may be experiencing some sensation of stretching it, which could feel a bit uncomfortable, but a bit of discomfort or tightness is not particularly concerning or in need of fixing. You can read about vaginismus here: The FBI Files: Vaginismus, but that is characterized by intense burning/stinging pain with insertion, which it doesn’t sound like you’re experiencing.

While I don’t want to discourage you from seeing a gyno if you are feeling like you would benefit from talking to someone and having an exam, I want to assure you that all of this sounds quite normal. It seems like at least some of the ideas of what “should” feel good to you are coming from what you’re reading. Are there other sources that are making you feel like you should find certain things pleasurable?

Rather than exploring based on what other people/fiction is saying should feel good, I urge you to explore and experiment based on what feels good TO YOU. There is no need to masturbate in a way that just isn’t feeling right. How does that sound?