Forced Gyno Visit

[icanteven]

it seems like you're the only ones on my side of this.

[icanteven]

I just don't know what to do anymore..

[Ashleah]

I’m really sorry about the way you have been feeling lately. You are dealing with a lot and we are more than happy to help you in any way that we can. I know you are trying really hard to get someone to just listen and help you figure out what to do.

We do want to help you but this is something that might take a little time and won't get handled today or tomorrow. I’m glad your dad and step-mom have been there for you. Having them involved is going to help especially during the process of making phone calls. If you like, print all of our post (from the beginning) and give it to them so they have the information as well.

I’m going to give you as much information as I can about all that you brought up, but want you to know that my main goal is to help you be in a safe environment, which sounds like it is with your dad.

Because of your age, you saying that you want to live with your dad might be enough, but this is still something that must be handled through the courts. Heather provided you some information on custody above in the post with the gray boxes.

[Ashleah]

If I am being honest, I can not tell you with any certainty if your mom will face any legal charges for the forced gyno visit. This is a complex situation in which your legal rights were definitely violated but, as you are seeing, many people do not know how to handle. If your goal is for your mother to face legal charges contacting a law professional is the best route.

There is an legal organization that should serve your county call LegalAidOK which offers advice and sometimes representation to its clients. You should ask your dad or stepmom to call. They want to ask them about your legal options in regards to the exam. They also want to ask about getting custody of you bc you are not safe with your mom.

There are certain income requirements to be eligible. If your family is not eligible, then ask them to refer you to another organization that handles situations like yours.

The number is 1-888-534-5243.

Even if you are not able to bring legal charges against the doctor you have the option of reporting him for misconduct or violation of ethics. This can be done by writing a letter to the Oklahoma Medical Board.

[Ashleah]

The purpose of calling DHS is to make a report you are not safe with your mom which will help get you in your dad’s custody. Your dad or stepmom can call and tell them about all of the things you have told us here. Everything that you have said should at least qualify as an assessment. The weed, the exam, removing you from school, the violence with information. The more specific the better. To give you an example, “She hits me at least 3 times a week with her fist and sometimes leaves bruises. She has been doing this for the past 5 yrs. Yesterday was the last time she did it because I came home late” gives more information than “she hits me.” You or one of your parents could change the words to make this statement true to your situation. Even if a call was made this week. It’s a good idea to try again and give as much information as you possibly can.

The number to call for reporting is 1-800-522-3511

[Ashleah]

When you call these organizations what are you asking or telling them? If you are calling sexual assault centers they are more than likely geared towards making sure you are not currently in a dangerous environment and helping connect you with mental health services like counseling.

Are you interested in these support services such as counseling or are you more focused on custody and the legal aspect? If we know this will also help us find better resources for you.

Can you also tell me what counties/cities are close to you? I have your zip, but a lot of places are falling outside of it. I found some youth resources but want to give you numbers for places close to you.

[Heather]

I want to also pitch in with a few tips for you and your supportive family members about working within these systems in ways that tend to give you the most options and net you the best responses:

1) You all have to keep as cool as you can be. That isn't to say it's not valid for anyone to feel upset here, because of course it is. But the cooler head everyone can keep when working with agencies like the police and social services, the better they tend to respond. So, things like any kind of threat, people boiling over with anger, etc. is just SO not the way to go, as I mentioned before to you.

2) Truthfully, your mother doing jail time around any of this is very unlikely. What is much more likely is her simply losing the right to have custody of you or other children, and probably to see any of you without supervision. I'd suggest you not focus on that desire for her to serve time in any of these communications when seeking help, because then they message they get is that your interest is punitive rather than about your safety. So, keep the focus on asking for the help you need to get safe.

3) Document EVERYTHING you can. Even if you can now sit down with pen and paper and start documenting any of this stuff you remember, in as much detail as possible, with dates, etc., as Ashleah brought up, that will help you out with these folks a lot.

4) In the event DHS/family services is NOT being responsive to your reports, you have a couple ways of getting more of the same report filed in sound ways to turn that around. You can, for instance, go into an administrators office at your school and ask them to please call social/family services for you because you need to report crimes at your home. Sit there with a phone on record or a pen and paper to take notes when you do, and they will probably step to because you're making clear that if they don't, you're going to document it. What should happen is that they make that call and DHS comes to school to see you to find out what is going on.

Additionally, we are always happy to make a backup call on our end to social services for our users if they want us to do that. We just need you to email us your identifying details (there's a link to our email at the bottom of the page, and what we'll need is your full name and address, which will be kept confidential aside of sharing it on that call), because they can't take action just based on an IP address and email alone. I have tended to have very good luck getting active responses to calls like this I have made on behalf of our users.

By the by, one step you can take right online yourself in regard to that doctor's assault is to file a complaint with your state medical licensing board. The form for that for you to fill out is right here: https://secure.okmedicalboard.org/complaint/ "Sexual misconduct" would be the appropriate choice on that form, unless you can click more than one, in which case "malpractice" is also what you would want to choose, as this doctor acted outside legal policies and licensing standards with a patient.

[icanteven]

that gyno did something really wrong . he was only a physicians assistant and he performed the process wrong, and gave me "acute pelvic inflammatory disease." I went to a check up with a doctor who specializes in this and he gave me medication to fix the problem the other guy causes.

[Heather]

Pelvic inflammatory disease is something that develops due to untreated infections of the genitals or reproductive system. It is not something that someone is likely to develop due to an exam or trauma, but a condition that occurs due to someone having an infection, most often a common STI like Chlamydia, for a while - usually weeks to months or longer - they did not know was present, so did not get treated.

Is your boyfriend up to date with his STI tests? If not, I would suggest he get tested, as the most likely situation, especially if you two have not always used condoms, or don't at all, is that you contracted an STI that was not treated. So, he will want to be sure he does not need treatment himself, both for his own health, but also so you do not wind up contracting an infection again and again. If you have been given medication, that medication is probably an broad antibiotic, which is given to treat whatever infections have caused the PID. But it is important you both be treated if he has a current, untreated infection of his own. Your treatment alone only takes care of your body.

Here is a good fact sheet on PID if you want extra information: http://www.womenshealth.gov/publication ... sease.html

Were you able to fill out that form to report the previous doctor to the licensing board?

[icanteven]

not yet about the complaint but I will and it was his fault cause his test came back negative for everything and the better doctor came back with something else. but anyway, I've never not used a condom. my boyfriend gets checked every 3 months. and none of the meds are helping.

[Heather]

I'd make sure your boyfriend gets checked again ASAP, just to play it safe. And with a big infection like PID, it's going to take a while for the meds to have impact. I'd say not to expect any big changes before you're near the end of taking them, and to keep in touch with the doctor you are seeing to follow up as they have suggested you do with this, okay?

By all means, I am in agreement with you that this first exam, besides effectively being a sexual assault, and certainly an abuse, was not okay, and I'd hardly be surprised if there wasn't also incompetence in other parts of that exam.

And in filing complaints, this is the kind of thing to document. In other words, if this new doctor told you they feel you have PID because you had an infection that could have been treated by that last doctor, be SURE to ask them to please put that on paper for you. That is certainly the kind of information and documentation that will help you in moving forward with charges for this doctor, if you want to pursue them.

How are you doing, by the way, icanteven, when it comes to your feelings around all of this? And are you living somewhere now where you are safe, or still at home with your mother?