Scarleteen

Okay honestly... I don't want you guys to intervene or anything like tht. The reason for this is because. sometimes... It rly helps to let it out. And I know you're not tht kind of service..so..yeah. Sorry(pls don't say there's nothing to be sorry about, I want to say it...i wouldn't be me if I didn't say it)

I know this is irrelevant to this. But how do I vigorous exercise when my cramps are really bad? I do take supplements...Sometimes. Let's just say I'm a very forgetful person that's why I'm pretty much tht person tht will only finish a box of supplements in like..10years? I do have an okay diet though. I check how many kcal and what I eat a lot.(veges and fruits) So I don't rly know why it would be so bad though

Can you please make a new, separate, thread for that question elsewhere? Thanks.

Can I ask you something though..?

Do you hate me......?

Sorry if this sounded offensive... I just wanted to know..

It doesn't sound offensive, but I am feeling very confused as to why you'd ask me that.

Do you feel that any of my behavior has reflected hatred -- a very intense ill will -- towards you? I have done my level best with you, as I do with all of our users, to be kind, helpful and respectful. I have also invested a great deal of time and care in responses to you, and to seeking out resources for you, all in the interest of providing you help and support.

I take my job and work here very seriously, and respect and kindness towards those who use our services is certainly a big part of not even doing my job well, but just doing it with the most basic kind of professionalism and ethics one should bring to any job.

If you feel any of my behavior has not been respectful or kind, has been unprofessional in any way, or has made you feel hated in any way, then by all means, please do let us know so that I can make whatever amends or corrections need be made to rectify that. If you do not feel comfortable, for any reason, issuing a complaint about me directly to me, you can use the contact form at the bottom of every page to send it to our general email and one of the other staff here can address this with you.

Sorry I just feel really bad sometimes... For posting too much and annoying you guys..

You are free to post as much as you like, as is any user here. When we do set limits - as we have with you by asking that you get in touch with help that is local to you - we do so because we feel that it is the best way to help you, and because as an organization there are some things we just can't do. Those limits are not about anyone feeling annoyed with you: they are part of us doing our job and doing our best to get you connected with people who can help you, something we all take very seriously.

I actually feel bad about telling you guys about the abuse.....is tht normal....?

People react to abuse, and disclosing abuse, in all sorts of ways. And for some people there is definitely an element of feeling bad about disclosing. That's why one of the things Heather suggested you work on is learning how to counteract those negative thoughts and feelings about yourself. That way, you start learning how to shake off feeling bad.

How?

One of the things that was suggested was to stop saying negative things about yourself here and in other spaces. That can be a hard habit to break when it is one that you are use to, so admittedly, it can be hard. A way to practice that here is by reading over what you write before you post to make sure that you haven't said anything negative about yourself. If you have you can erase the statement and replace it with something validating or positive. So instead of something like "I suck" you can say "I am a good person". This would also include reminding yourself that you deserve to be safe, that you deserve to be treated kindly, that you deserve support. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, you try and redirect that thinking to a positive statement. If it helps you can say it out loud. By counteracting those negative thoughts it can free up the space for you to feel good about yourself.

How can I build self esteem?

I think a good first step is getting into the habit Ashleah described above, of trying to eliminate negative self-talk from your life. I find that it can be easier to stop myself if I think "would I say this about my best friend?" My friend isn't terrible for making mistakes sometimes, and neither am I.

What's the second step?
Uhmm heather....I'm rly sorry if my question was nt good. I'm just always scared of people getting mad at me. Sorry...

I think this is one of those processes where you have to stay on step one for a little while. Undoing negative thought patterns tends to take time, so you end up practicing what Mo recommended for a bit before trying the next thing. Does that make sense?

Yeah okay. It rly seems impossible though. But I'll try...

Trying is really all you can do with something like this, and it does take time, like Sam said.