I don't think I was raped?

[Heather]

I'm not offended. But I am/we are trying to set some boundaries that I don't feel like you're fully respecting, and I would like to ask you to please try a bit harder to do that.

I need to be done answering this same question: this is the loop I was talking about. I feel like I have already been very clear, right from the start, that what I hear you describing is sexual assault. I'm not willing to keep having this same conversation where I or others say that, then you basically try and disprove it or discount it until we're back at the start again. I don't think anyone benefits from that.

But here's a conversation I am willing to have and that I think may be more productive and beneficial. I also think it's perhaps what's really going on here:

What do you say to talking some about how hard it can be to accept that we have been sexually abused in any way? After all, it CAN be hard in so many ways, for several reasons, and in your case, it sounds like there are even some additional challenges to that in the mix. It's something survivors struggle with very commonly, that basic acceptance of what was done to us. I've been there myself.

I think what is probably happening here is that you know you were assaulted, but you're struggling to accept it, perhaps in part because it's shining a light on other interactions and experiences in your life and maybe making you have to accept a whole history of abuses. But I don't need to guess about this stuff: like I said, if you want to and are willing, I would be glad to talk about this with you: this is a conversation I think might actually help you.

[IAmScared]

can I just ask one more question and that's it? to fully understand was i really raped

[Heather]

I really want to hold the line I set, please. I just don't know what you could say at this point that would change my response or would somehow magically get you to acceptance just because I said it. It's also important to me that my/our limits and boundaries get respected.

It's also part of our job here to use the expertise and experience we have in these kinds of changes to guide them (which is what makes it different here than just a random forum where everyone talking is a peer). I promise I am not setting these limits or asking for them just because or to make things harder for you: I'm asking for what I am based on what I know about what tends to work and what doesn't.

I *am* willing to have the kind of conversation I suggested in my response previous. I am not willing to keep having you say what happened over and over and then have myself or others keep giving the same answers, only to stay in this loop.