ready to date

[sky]

What exactly is comphet?

I do want to work on it, I do I just always go to sex, every time and it overwhelms me so so deeply. We can talk about things but no matter what we talk about I will think about how I have to put my mouth on a vagina and I’m just so afraid to do that. I don’t know how to not go there. It makes me want to scream and rip my hair out I want to be able just to think about things normally and not think about sex and all the germs and the things I have to do in those moments and how do they happen, how do I do them.

I feel I won’t be able to get anywhere with anything until I have sex but I really just am not ready for some random person but I’m not allowing myself to get attached to anyone right now so then I’m just stuck here at spot one unable to move.

Do you get me?

[Heather]

We've talked about this in chat before, so I'll be brief. Compulsory heterosexuality is a term to describe the ideas we all get living in a world that not only only presents sex between cisgender, heterosexual men and women AS sex at all, let alone as the only truly acceptable way to be sexual, it centers it as the normal, or the ideal sex for everyone. It is most likely why, for instance, you believe sex between two people with vaginas cannot possibly be as exciting as when there is a penis involved.

This is a nice, clear breakdown of comphet (and also discusses a specific kind of OCD that can be at play with all this, too): https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/ ... tation-ocd If reel education is a better fit, this educator, Eva Bloom, talks about it a lot and does so very well: https://www.instagram.com/whatsmybodydoing/ I think her content would be great for you, period.

So, sex isn't going to fix your issues. Would that it had that kind of ability. It doesn't. I mean, a sex life you love and enjoy, over time, now THAT can for sure help you out here. But it's not like you can just bonk somebody and shazam: all of these feelings and fears and conflicts and desires you have are going to float away. None of this works like that.

That all said, I don't think you answered my question, and I need you to do that before we move forward here. So. Take some time -- not a few minutes, maybe a few hours, or even a day -- and let us know really clearly what you are asking for help with from us right now, and what kinds of help you would be open to accepting. It's going to be a lot easier for you and us to move forward in a productive way that actually has the capacity to benefit you once we know those two things. Until we do, I think we are just going to keep going in circles. <3